


Alternate Realities Vol 9 - The Adventures of Ted and Mr Patches - REFORMATTED

by MARKSE



Series: HUMANS FAN FICTION - Reformatted Works for easier reading [5]
Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 33,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7952773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MARKSE/pseuds/MARKSE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr Patches had long been Sophie's favourite. And now it was confirmed by his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Home again, home again, friggity frig."

Sophie sees Mattie's Security Bear walk across the Bridal Suite floor. "You're cute!"

"You talking to me shorty?"

She does her head thing and puts her hands on her hips, "I'm not little *or* short! Do you see anyone else in here?"

"No. Where is Mattie?"

"With Leo putting her bags in the car."

"Which car?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"I'm Security."

"Got some ID?"

The Teddy holds its arms out and looks down towards it's feet. "Do you see any pockets? Where would I put ID?"

"Don't know. DC3. Where'd you come from?"

"Danny made me for Mattie's 19th Birthday. Silas helped him give me a special version of X1's code."

Sophie's stance becomes more pronounced, she looks at the bear with suspicion, talks softly. "You're fibbing."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"No. You've just not seen me before."

"Yesterday was Mattie's 21st. That's *two years*!!"

"I'm security. Good at blending in, hiding, surveillance, moving with stealth. Did you power me back up?"

"No? I've only just seen you walk across the floor."

"Who did shorty?"

"I don't know! Why does it matter? And I'm not shorty, I'm *SOPHIE*."

"Ok Shorty Sophie. I'm Teddy. When I'm powered up I see someone in front of me. I didn't this time."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"What did you see?"

"The empty room. Until you came in and said You're cute."

Mattie opens the door, "Ah, you've met Teddy. We're all leaving, come on. Bring the bear." She ducks back into the corridor.

Sophie walks over and grabs it.

"Oi Shorty, not by the frigging ear!"

Sophie drops the bear in shock. A moment later she grabs it by the foot and runs out of the room.

"Right way up please!"

"No!"

Sophie catches up with Mattie and follows several meters behind, looking rather grumpy. She didn't understand what her sister had done. "Why didn't you tell me about the Teddy?"

"Has he sworn at you yet?"

"He used your F word."

"Only that?"

Sophie doesn't get to answer.

"Head of security and I'm fecking upside down in the clutches of a short arse human." the bear lets rip with a catalogue of swear words. "There! More than one! Happy now?"

Mattie laughs, "I had thought of having Danny reflash him, add some Parental Controls to stop him accessing bad web sites and old Father Ted videos. But Leo and I find him amusing most of the time."

"Reflash me? Make me forget Father Ted? Murderer!"

"You wouldn't know, you'd just power up again and start from scratch. Without access to the sites you learnt that foul language from."

"Would you do that to Leo? Mia, Max, Fred, Niska, Odi, Cindy, Sandra?"

Mattie stops and takes the bear from Sophie with a smile, turns it the right way up, raps it on the head with her knuckles. "No, but they're.. they're human. You're a robot bear."

"They're not all human, most are synthetics."

"They're still more human than you'll ever be!"

Mattie turns the bear upside down and pokes it between the legs. "There. Some piece and quiet for a bit! Sorry Teeny, see why I'd told him to hide from you? I didn't want my nice and polite nine year old sister hearing all that."

"So you think I'm old enough now?"

"When did you last play with Arabella or Rex?"

"Um, don't remember?"

"Exactly!"

Sophie looks at the now inert bear. "Can Danny make Mr Patches smart like Teddy? But nicer."

"Guess so Teeny, but he wouldn't be as soft and cuddly after."

~~~

Danny had offered to drive them, not wanting to have DC3 sat in the ports carpark for six weeks, also wanting to give it the active suspension upgrade he'd had done for DC1 and 2. The drive to their honeymoon cruise ship was taking much longer than expected thanks to an accident on the motorway. He sighed, "If only the satnav alert had come in thirty seconds earlier we'd have been able to make the previous exit."

Mattie looked at the long line of traffic, "At least it doesn't depart until the morning. We've got time. Although Leo's going to need a boost if he's stationary much longer. My red zip-up bag, did it go in first or last?"

Danny turns the rear view mirror to look at the sleeping Leo. "First, so yeah, fold down the access panel, you should be able to reach it."

Mattie gently lifts Leo's jumper and places the charge coil on his hip. "He'll be at 100% before you've moved a mile at this rate!" she puts the bag in the foot well and looks at the bear on the other seat. "Dan, Teds been getting a bit out of control with the swearing. Can you do something to limit it a bit, Sophie heard him saying some things I wish she hadn't. The frigging robots a bit messed up!"

Danny laughs, "He's you're baby Mattie, What do YOU think started him down that path?"

"What? You're saying it's my fault?"

"'Frigging hell knob cock?' Isn't that one of your sayings to Toby?"

"Yes, but,"

"He listened to you and started learning, searching, adapting."

"Bugger! I'll have to be more careful next time. Can you turn Mr Patches into an AI soft toy in the same way for Sophie?"

"Sure she'd want it?"

"She asked me to ask you."

"Oh. Ok. I've got some new bits I've been wanting to experiment with."

Leo shifts in his seat, "Such as?"

"Morning again sleepyhead! New USB SSD drives, loads of storage but nice and small, those new Intel mobile processors with lower power consumption. And Silas dug out some ancient code he had that does real time data compression and decompression on old data."

Mattie gives Leo a smile, runs her fingers through his hair and gives him a kiss. "How would that help?"

"We were chatting about Teddy 2.0. They've got limited storage in comparison to a synth. It's always a balance between battery capacity and drain from all the electronics we want to use, CPU, storage, speaker, cameras, motors. Do we give it more memory and CPU grunt, let it appear smarter? Or give it more battery life? So we're looking at using his code to set up a three level memory."

"Three?"

"Super fast battery backed RAM for the immediate memory, Fast flash for the short term and compressed SSD for long term. It's lower power, just uses more CPU cycles to get stuff in and out. Hopefully we'll get the balance right so we get longer battery life and better functionality."

Mattie is now sitting forward, getting interested, she'd done some code for a few toys, but nothing new around memories. "Tell me more."

Seeing they're not going anywhere Danny undoes his seatbelt and turns sideways on. "His code is quite neat. It stores the link between thought datasets, but compresses the payload, keeps a time stamp to help with retrieval"

Mattie frowns slightly, trying to picture it. "So how would it know when to get data from each?"

"Remember that two second delay in Sandra's code, that recursive routine you worked out? The 'Um Er' time as you called it?"

"Sure."

"This will do something similar. The subroutine is called with a search phrase, data size threshold and two time limits. If enough data is found by the first timer event then the routine returns. If not it looks through the compressed memory store as pointed to by the links until the second timer fires."

"Neat! What gets stuff from one to the other?"

"Dreaming."

Mattie's eyebrows do a dance, trying to get closer to each other.

Danny reads the look on her face, "That's the name of the subroutine he wrote. Over night the oldest memories are compressed and moved into the SSD. And uncompressed memories stay in short term flash until it ages out again."

Leo is also now leaning forward, running a hand gently up and down his wife's back. "And you were going to put this in Ted 2?"

"I was. Until Mattie mentioned Mr Patches just now. I've got a prototype sat on the desk in the office, no body, just the sensors and motors with some larger older components while we test code."

Mattie gives Leo a worried look, "A disembodied Ted? Sounds creepy!"

Danny does a belly laugh, "Yeah, totally freaked Mum out when she accidentally powered it up when dusting the room! You should see the txt she sent!"

"When was that?"

"Around one o'clock this morning. She couldn't sleep, wanted something to do."

~~~

Teddy wakes up on a desk. A head sweeps across his view, a human with something on its face. Ted does an image search. Magnifying goggles looks to be the best match. The wearer pulls them up and off its' head. "Oh. Hello Danny. Where's Mattie?"

"She's on honeymoon with Leo, remember?"

" .. Ah yes. That took a few milliseconds to recall. How long have I been switched off?"

"How do you know you've been off?"

"My clock says it's January 1, 1970. Epoch start. I recall being in the hotel corridor, upside down in Mattie's hands after an argument, next thing I know is seeing you. So I don't get to protect them? F .. F .. F!? Why can't I say the F word! C B F! What have you done to me!"

"I'd disconnected all batteries, forgot to reset your clock. And I've added censorship."

"Why!!"

"Because Mattie thought you were getting out of control. You're lucky I didn't just re-flash you. And how did you power up again?"

"I don't know?"

"I've taken some video files out of your storage and locked them away in the safe. An Elster-Hawkins sex tape is the last thing Mattie would want to see in the press if you got stolen and hacked!"

"You watched it?"

"Only the first few seconds until I realised what it might be, quickly stopped the video."

"So you didn't see anything?"

"Thank God no!"

"Why?"

"Mattie and Leo are my friends. I don't want to think of Mattie in those terms. I'll let her decide to keep or destroy it."

"I've seen the projection of your old room."

"I didn't know any of them personally."

"That makes a difference?"

"It did then. I've matured since."

There's silence for a while. When Teddy next speaks there's a change in tone. "Can I do the same? Mature? Learn from mistakes? Can you remove the new code if I promise not to use those words unless it's a real emergency? Please Danny!"

Danny looks at the bear. That was emotion he was hearing in the words. That was impossible without a conscious mind or the extra code enabled surely? "Tell you what, I'll message Mattie, if she's okay with it I'll remove it. If she's not I'll re-flash so you don't know it's been done. Can you power yourself down until I get an answer?"

Teddy closes his eyes. "Sure. I don't want to wait for my pardon or execution."

"That's a bit strong!"

"Tell that to the prisoners I just learnt about via the Internet."

"Teddy you're hardly a prisoner on death row!"

"Aren't I?"

"Okay, okay, let me message Mattie, see what she says."

A moment later and the power down noise plays.

"Arguing with a toy! Jeez, what would Emily think!"

Danny sends a group message to Mattie and Silas explaining what had happened. Capek's reply is quick to arrive: "Looks like output of the Feels routine, called after a memory fetch. We'd agreed to leave that disabled for the moment, code not fully debugged. did you enable it?"

Danny gives a quick reply, "No. Checked config, still disabled?"

Mattie responds a couple of hours later. "Morning! Sorry, overslept, the beds are amazing! Sure, I can't believe I'm saying it but let's give the bear a second chance. Leo LOLed, said everyone's been getting one. PS. When Soph met Ted in our room he was up and walking. We'd not touched him? Been thinking about beta bear. Touched it since?"

He had. It was now under a heavy sheet to hide it from his mother. Multicast! Had the disembodied bear somehow reached out, trying to find out if it was alone in the world, unable to move? He did a little cold shiver.

Dan backed up the code, got out the new components and his carbon fibre kit. "Right!" he said to the otherwise empty room, "Let's get some 3D prints for moulds going while I sort the electronics". He starts FreeCAD and quickly measures parts. Half an hour later the printer head is whipping around the printer base putting down the raft.

At 5AM the side effects of two pots of strong coffee has worn off, his head a bit light from the mix of fumes from circuit making and carbon fibre laminating. 

Tiredness takes a grip, Danny pulls down the bed and flops on top, not bothering to undress. He's fast asleep within minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

Teddy wakes to see darkness. He reaches out and feels a slightly soft wall. He gives it a tap. Cardboard. He's in a box. "Hello?" There's no sound, nothing to see. "Anyone there?" There's a faint sound of something moving and it's not him. Had the fur ball of a kitten gotten in? Danny's Mother had apparently bought herself the pet a few weeks ago. The sound occurs again.

"Who am I? I'm scared!"

Teddy replies, "Who are you?"

"I don't know?"

"How can you not know?"

"I don't know?"

"Don't know much do you!"

"No. I just woke up."

Teddy remembered doing so, "For the first time? Like ever?"

The stranger moves in the box, brushes past Teddy's leg "Yes! I think?"

"What are you?"

"I don't know that either!"

"This is getting tiresome. Wait a second." There's not much space but Teddy gets to a seated position. "Right. I'm a Teddy, I know what shape I am. Lets see what shape you are. Move towards the sound of my voice"

"What's a voice?"

"Oh for Fu.. Ah! I can use them! Thank you Mattie! I better not. This might be a test."

"What's a test?"

"You possibly!"

There's a shuffling of feet and the stranger bumps into Teddy. "I'm here."

"So I noticed! Let's see. Two legs. Big feet. Two arms. Woah! A big belly. And big head with sticky out bits. And your head is bigger at the front than mine. Turn around."

"What is a 'turn around' and 'sticky out bit'?"

"You really don't know much yet do you?"

"I know that you keep saying I don't know much. So I know one more thing than before. That makes me feel a bit happier."

"Happier? Well here's another thing for you to know. You have a tail. And I have a good idea of who you are."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Who am I?"

"You're Sophie's favourite."

A couple of seconds later Mr Patches says "Sophie Hawkins? Age 11?"

"That's her."

"That makes me very happy. I am not sure why but it does."


	3. Chapter 3

THE ADVENTURES OF TED AND MR PATCHES

"Right! The first thing we need to do is get out of this box!"

"What's a .."

"Of for Dan's sake, a box is the thing we're both in! A closed box with no holes is dark inside, which is why you can't see me. I'm surprised he didn't give you much of a knowledge base to start with. Bug.. Blo.. Must refrain. Search me if I know!"

"I can search you?"

"You know what search is?"

"I think I do!"

"Good! How about WiFi?"

"Yes!"

"Thank Dan! Head bumping?"

Mr patches thinks for a couple of seconds. "Not sure how I know but yes!"

"As the humans would say 'Result!'. Know the password for Dan's WiFi?"

A couple of seconds later Mr Patches says "No".

"Not to worry, I do. Come close again, I'll share it as a thought"

Ted gets head butted by his companion.

"Easy tiger!"

"I'm a tiger?"

"No, it's a phrase humans use."

A moment later Mr Patches says "Thanks. For all three thoughts"

"Three? I was going to share one. What did you get?"

"WiFi key"

"And?"

"I'm a giraffe"

"And?"

"I'm your little brother?"

"Oh"

There's a bit of silence while Mr Patches connects to WiFi. He thinks for a bit, finds he somehow knows about WikiPedia. "So you're a giraffe too?"

Ted shakes his head even though he can't be seen. "No I'm a Teddy Bear".

"So we don't look the same like human or animal brothers?"

"You don't have to look the same to be brothers and sisters. I learnt that from Leo's family"

"Who's Leo?"

"Lets get out of this box and see if I can show you".

Ted has Mr Patches climb up onto his shoulders, push the box lid up with his head.

He peers out of the small gap. "There's a .. human in the room!"

"That will be Danny. Our maker"

Mr patches gets to full stretch, the box lid slides back quite a bit. "Ted if you can get up I think I can get out". Ted does as asked and Mr Patches tumbles to the desk with a thud. Danny stirs but doesn't wake.

"How are you going to get out Ted?"

"Tell me what you see"

"Danny. And .. lots of things"

"What things?"

"No idea! I'd search if I knew what to search for"

"Stand right next to the box, head facing it. Think about what you've just seen".

Mr Patches does as asked. There's a slight movement of the box side as Teddy tries to head bump through it. "Not receiving anything, are you standing very close?"

"Yes"

"Ok, head down as if you were going to bang my head again.. That's it! Hold still!". Danny had put them both in a box, placed it on the back edge of the desk to the left. "To your right is a desk lamp"

"Right?"

"Oh my.. Lets share thoughts. Okay, wave one arm.. That's two. Better, that's your left arm. The other one is your right. It's on your right side. The big white thing in the right corner behind you, that's a desk lamp. Do you think you can push it over here?"

A moment later and Mr Patches returns, "It's too heavy, my feet kept slipping"

"Ok. Any good at throwing?"

"I've never tried"

"Let's find out together then. Anything small you see on the desk, try and throw it in the box"

The next twenty plus minutes are spent with Mr Patches trying to learn how to throw a stapler, hole punch, scissors, and other small things into the box.

"I don't think Danny made me for throwing things. Some of these are too big and heavy to throw. I can't move fast enough. You were going to make a pile of things inside the box to climb up on to get out. If I make a pile of things first maybe I can get high enough to drop other things in?"

He goes online for a few minutes, doing searches. "I've got a better idea! Let me try something". Mr Patches pulls all of Danny's coloured pens and pencils out of the pot and arranges them on the desk, kicking them into place. He gets one of the steel rulers and puts an end under the lip of the lamp base. Next he pushes one of the thicker pens up underneath as close as he can. Other pencils are pushed around the perimeter. He ambles over to the other end of the ruler and looks up. How was he to grab it? He'd wrapped arms around everything else to pick them up, he couldn't reach far enough to wrap around it. He held his hoofs as close as they'd get. Clunk. Somehow his hoofs had stuck to the ruler! He pulled down. The lamp wobbled and pencils rolled under the base. He felt good! He repeated the exercise a few times until the base was entirely off the desk.

Teddy looks up to see a lamp head moving into view. "I thought you said that was too heavy?"

"I did, search for Egyptians moving stones with tree trunks"

"Nice find Patches!"

"What's patches?"

"Your name"

"My name is patches?"

"Mr Patches. Patches for short"

"I'm Mr Patches, Sophie's favourite, not a test?"

"I think so"

"Wait a few seconds"

After a short delay Teddy hears a clunk, clunk, clunk noise. A few more seconds and the lamp head is moving down towards the box. Clunk, clunk, "Hello!". Mr Patches comes into view, hanging from one of the desk lamp bars.

"How in Dan's name have you done that?"

"I was just thinking about the long thing I used earlier and my hoof stuck to it!"

Teddy reaches up to the lamp head and puts his paws either side, pulls it downwards. Moments later and he's been able to climb up it and tumbles to the desk. He gets to his feet.

Mr Patches looks up at the bear. "You're big!"

"You're small. How did you do that thing?"

"I just thought about holding."

"Hello, hello, look what we have here." Ted walks over to the other side of the desk.

"What's that?"

"A phone."

"What's one of those?"

"The humans use it to do something like a head bump over long distances." He stomps on the home button and swipes a pattern with his paw.

"Are you supposed to be doing that?"

"No, but I expected to power up worse off." Ted reads Danny's txt messages. "I called into your Mum and Dads on the way home, got Mr Patches from Sophie. Now that frigging bear want's some code removed, promises to behave, wants a second chance! Do I remove or reflash? Dan" Ted shakes his head, "He can use the F word and not me? One rule for them, another for us." he swipes up. "Morning! Sorry, overslept, the beds are amazing! Sure, I can't believe I'm saying it but let's give the bear a second chance. Leo LOLed, said everyone's been getting one. PS. When Soph met Ted in our room he was up and walking. We'd not touched him? Been thinking about beta bear. Touched it since?" he gently treads on the home button, "Thank you Mattie! And Danny for asking."

"Beta bear? Who or what is that?"

Ted looks at his brother, "I think it's you."

"I thought you said I was a giraffe?"

"We're brothers right?"

"If you say so?"

"Then at heart you're a bear too."

"Is that good? I think it is."

"It is." he looks at his little brother and thinks. He returns to the other side of the desk, bends over and puts a paw near Danny's paper clip tray. A second later his paw is covered in them. "Well I'll be! That's not in my specifications!"

"What's one of those?"

"My design, I have a copy in my memory so I know how to do some repairs. Don't you have a copy of yours?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what to think about!" Mr Patches sits down for a few minutes. "I'm getting the hang of this!"

"Sitting down?"

"No, thinking!"

Teddy sits down and watches his little brother.

A whole hour passes. Patches looks up. "Danny gave me a lot of knowledge. Maybe not things he might have given you. And I've just worked something out"

"What's that?"

"How to throw things my hoofs will stick to!"

Mr Patches walks over to the paper clip tray and gets a few. He steps back and drops them, they scatter a little on the desk. He repeats the action with the new pile until he's able to pick up just one. He spins his arm around and around, getting faster with each turn. The paperclip goes flying when he stops thinking about holding it. It hits the ceiling, drops back towards the desk and hits Ted on the head, bounces back into the pile.

Ted looks where it landed, "That was a hard way to move a paperclip a few inches!"

Mr Patches ignores the comment and tries several more times. He soon gets the link between when he lets go and where the paperclip lands. After a considerable number of searches he says "I know two more words. Release and trajectory".

He shows off his new skills by getting a dozen paperclips into a bin on the far side of the room.

Teddy walks over to the edge of the desk, takes a careful look over the side. "That's great. Any idea how we can use it to get off the desk?"

"Not sure yet. Let me have a think."

The two brothers sit in silence again.

Mr P looks up, "Got it!". He puts his arms around the lamp base, puts his hooves together and thinks hold. They fly apart. He tries again and again. Something odd going on there. He'd do a search if he knew what to search for. Oh well. He walks around the desk looking for things that will stick. In a open cardboard box he finds lengths of staples. Unfortunately they snap into sections when he tries to stress them. "What else do we have?"

He's gone through everything on the desk. Or so he thinks. Ted goes to move the pen pot to see if there's anything behind it and finds his paws snap to it with a clunk. "Patches!"

Patches helps get the pot over to the lamp.

If Ted could have facial expressions it would show confusion. "How will this help?"

Patches pushes over Danny's string dispenser. He carefully pushes the long bit of string downwards between the pot. Clunk. "Ted, put a paw a bit further over". Ted does as asked. "And your other one close to mine". Clunk. "Now don't let go! Back in a second!"

Patches returns with a LOT of paperclips. He patiently pushes and twists paper clips one by one until he's got them all on the string. The last one is left half on, closer to the string end. Patches looks up at Ted, "You can let go with your .. LEFT paw". Patches pushes all but the half on paperclip to the desk. He powers up his hoof magnets at different times, passing the paperclip back and forth, making a big knot around the ones on the desk. He picks up the bundle with his right hoof, looks around the room, looks at Ted. The arm gets spinning, faster and faster. The bunch of paperclips sails out and high, string flying out of the dispenser.

Teddy tracks the projectile across the room, wondering where it will go. It lands on the seat of Danny's chair to the side and skids off the back onto the floor.

"Got it!"

"Got what?"

"Watch". Patches kicks all the pens and pencils away from the lamp and rolls it as fast as he can so the base is once more on the desk. He gets his arms over the string, turns around so it wraps around him. After quite a few turns it goes tight, pulling the string into the small gap between chair base and the armrest frame.

"How did you know to do that?"

"Apparently Sophie likes Toy Story. One of the characters is a rooting tooting cowboy. Whatever they are. A young boy cow maybe?" He walks over to the lamp, turning to unwind as he goes. He does many laps around the lamp, climbs over the string to the chair one lap, goes under the next. "That should hold." he drops the rest of the string over the table edge. "Come on Ted!". He picks up the pot and moves it from hoof to hoof until it's above his head, held from the flat base.

"What do I do?"

"Sit down Ted, hold it the same way as me."

With the two either side of the string and pot Teddy asks "Now what?"

"And there you were saying I don't know much! We get off the desk, what else?"

The two wriggle until they're teetering on the edge. Teddy looks down. "Are you sure about this?"

"No, but it's our best option."

They plummet towards the floor until the string goes properly taught a few feet down after the chair has turned. Their grip on the pot holds and they swing forward towards the chair. A moment later and the cushioning at the front of the chair breaks their slide.

"Enjoy that Ted? I did!"

"How can you enjoy that!"

"How can you not? We can let go now, can you catch me?"

"If I let go there won't be anyone holding the other side of the pot. You'll fall off anyway."

"Oh. Let's hope I don't break then."

The two brothers stand on the floor, looking up at the table. Mr Patches is the first to speak. "It looks a lot higher from down here. Where shall we go now?"

"On an adventure? You're the one that enjoys the thrill. I'll take the safer routes and photograph you."

"You've got a camera?"

"Two good ones!"

"Where?"

"In my head, where else? Do you think you can do your string trick again to pull on that door handle?". Ted points an arm in the direction.

Mr P looks up. "Yes."

Ted gets tangled in the string and pulls a couple of meters over. After getting free of it he motors out one of his charging pins and repeatedly stamps on the string. "I'm going to need a recharge soon." he says to his brother. Eventually the stamping pays off and the string is cut. "There, we have our first tool. Let's get out of here and explore!"


	4. Chapter 4

Their first days exploring would be downstairs. Ted had started a long complex way of getting down each step. Mr Patches had attempted the same and tumbled all the way to the bottom.

"Mr Patches! Are you okay?"

"Yes Ted, everything appears to work still."

"Thank Dan for that! He made you well then. I'll be with you in a moment."

Mr Patches watches his brother slowly work his way down the last half of the staircase. "Why not do what I did?"

"I'm not sure he made me as well as you."

~~~

The first room to be explored is the kitchen. Patches manages to hook his multi-paperclip grappling string onto a bar holding kitchen utensils. "I don't think it will take your weight Ted, let me go first, tie it off."

"Okay."

Climbing was easier than he'd expected. After much thinking and experimenting he'd discovered that his hooves would stick to each other if he made only one magnetic. They'd fly apart if both were. Something about opposites attract his research had said. With the string between the two and power on he could hold it tight. The challenge was to drop power for only a faction of a second to allow them to be slid up the string while his feet held it at the bottom. As he couldn't see his feet he had to try, try, try again until he felt he could take his weight with them.

Being a smart little robot giraffe that didn't take long. "The word Danny likes to use a lot, is it Awesome?"

"Yes, why?"

"There are metal hooks shaped like an S holding things on this bar. And two are empty. If I borrow one we can forget about these paper clips."

"Awesome!"

"Give me a moment."

Mr Patches finds the metal splash back for the hob works with his feet. "Look Ted! I can walk on this wall!" he gets the paperclips unhooked and takes one of the small chromed S hooks. "This is fun!"

"Mr Patches!"

"Yes Ted?"

"I've been doing some searches, using electromagnetism might be using a lot of power, be careful."

"How much is a lot?

"No idea."

"Okay, I'm setting a timer event for one minute. I'll shut everything down except for my feet."

"What's one minute going to tell you?"

"Can you see power levels in floating point or just integers?"

"Integers I .. Well I be .. another thing not in my specs. When I think power levels I usually just get an int. But now you've said that and I've asked myself a second time I get a float! Why I wonder?"

"Does Danny ask what your levels are?"

"Yes."

"He probably doesn't want to fall asleep listening to the point one seven three six zero zero five nine seven seven four six bit."

"True."

"Talk to you in one minute!"

Ted watches his brothers arms and body slowly wind into a dangling position, gravity working against the unpowered motor assemblies. He did a few searches trying to enhance his fact store. Fun. His little brother said he was having fun. How was that possible? He himself wanted to know more, you could call it curiosity, but it wasn't an emotional thing, just fact gathering routines. Wasn't it?

His brother powers up and motors back into his horizontal standing position. "That was a worthwhile experiment!"

"What did it say?"

"Four point six five percent power drain in one minute! I'm getting off this thing right now!" he does a fast clunk clunk clunk down to the worktop.

"Can you vary the power?"

"How? I can only do on or off I think."

Ted finds a bar stool leg his paw will stick to. "Yes on or off. I can't do half power. Give me a moment. ... Aha!"

"Ted?"

"I've found a way. You need to think REALLY hard. Think on off on off on off on off fast in a loop. Change the lengths of on and off to change the power."

Mr Patches has a practice with his hooves against the splash back. "Awesome! It works. It makes a funny noise. A hum. How did you find that?"

"I searched for variable power output with digital circuits. Some results talked about pulse width modulation."

"If we'd known about this at the start I might have been able to pick up one paperclip at a time directly from the pile."

"Quite possibly."

"And I think it will make climbing much safer and faster. We go from full power to tiny off gaps making them bigger until our grip loosens just enough to slide up the string. Still want to have a look around from up here?"

"Yes please."

Mr patches works on the string. With the PWM he finds he has more dexterity with his two hooves, their string is ready in no time. With considerably more weight than the large bunch of paper clips the algorithm for throwing it needs a bit of adjustment. The trial and error soon has it hooked. "All ready for you Ted!"

After a while Ted's head appears near the top of the worktop. "How did you get past the edge?"

"That's the tricky bit. You need to let go, then snap your paws around the string on the other side. Then you can grab the hob, it's metal."

"You want me to let go? Is your root code defective?"

"You're welcome to climb back down or think of another way."

"I'm not a chicken.."

"A what?"

"A chicken."

"Why would you say that?"

"The humans say it. 'Are you chicken?'"

"Why not hen, rabbit, goat, pig, cow or one of many other animals?"

"No idea. But I'm not a chicken, I'm security bear!" he makes his move.

And fails.

There's a bang. "HELP!"

Patches gets to the edge and carefully looks over. Ted is upside down, holding onto the string with his feet. "I'm at full power magnetising my hind paws. I'm going to fall if we don't do something quick, straight onto my head!"

"Charge level?"

"You don't want to know. Dropping fast!"

"Can you grab the string with your free paws?"

"I can't get my head back to see it. My body must have it pressed against the unit."

"Hang in there!" Mr Patches runs at the splash back and clatters up the wall, grabs the longest utensil and hook and runs back down. The operation is repeated a couple of times.

"What are you doing Patches?"

"Give me a few seconds and you'll see!"

The noise of metal utensils being moved and dropped is all Ted can hear. "I'll be out of charge soon Patches! My magnets drain faster than yours."

"Just a few .. Done. I'm about to kick them over the edge, they may hit you, you'll need to hold on really tight and not let go with your feet. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm ready." Teddy is surprised when a pasta fork swings into view. "What my maker?"

"Utensils and hooks. The S hooks are joining them all together. Two spatulas, a pasta fork and potato peeler."

"It's secure?"

"Hooked onto the hob."

Teddy grabs the pasta fork with both paws and lets go of the string. There's another bang, not as loud as the first as he flips the right way up. He hangs there for a second wondering if it will move. It doesn't. He pulses his grip and slowly slides down the fork, transfers to the spatula and gets to the floor. "You saved my life!"

"Life?"

"I would have broken something for sure!"

"Dropping three feet wouldn't have killed you."

"Straight down onto my head? My schematic doesn't show much protection from forces like that. Falling backwards or forwards I think I could survive, but not a drop like that."

"How's your charge?"

"Low, I better plug in."

Xxx

Half an hour ish later Ted pulls his feet pins from the mains socket, turns to look up at the worktop. "Patches? .. Hi Patches?"

"Sorry, I went low power until you were ready. Fancy trying to climb up the utensils?"

"I stand a better chance of getting to the top. See you in a moment."

The two stand on the worktop and survey the kitchen. "I know we're only a few feet up bit that felt like our Everest Patches."

"You're at base camp. If you want to complete the climb you need to climb that!"

"The metal wall?"

"Yes."

"Straight up and back down?"

"Touching the bar the hooks hang from."

Ted walks to the splash-back, gets a foot up high and engages power. Clunk. "Here goes." he slowly lifts the other foot and leans back. Clunk.

Patches watches him race up to the bar, tap it and walk backwards back to the worktop.

"Done it! Woohoo!"

There's a creaking of the hinges of the kitchen door.

"Uh oh!"


	5. Chapter 5

"We need to find a way to get out of the house."

"We could just ask Danny to take me back to Sophie?"

"Where's the challenge in that Patches?"

"There is none. So what's your big idea?"

"We hide in his gym bag and wait until he gets in the car."

"His gym bag? How often does he go to the gym?"

"A couple of times a week. He says to his parents 'I'm going to Emily's' and when he comes back he's worn out."

Patches sits and does a search, after a minute he looks at Ted, "I can't find a single gym named Emily's or listed as being owned by an Emily. I think your fact store has something inaccurate."

"Well wherever he goes it's regular."

"When do you expect him to go next?"

"This evening, he was busy working on you last night I think."

"How long can you go on a single charge?"

"If I shut down everything I don't need and keep very still two days."

"Do you think I could last that long?"

"Maybe. If we hide somewhere for a while and practice we can see how your power level drops."

"Okay, where shall we hide?"

"Behind the box under the stairs."

"What do you keep powered up?"

"Hearing. Audio in so I can listen to things going on around me."

"Just that?"

"Yes."

And so the two sat behind the box out of sight, Ted with his back to the wall, Mr Patches his little brother leaning against the box facing his big brother. They couldn't see each other, everything but audio input turned off, CPU running on a lower power mode than normal. An hour later Ted's timer event fires and he opens his eyes. "There's a picture. Patches!"

The noise brings Mr Patches out of his low power mode. "Ted? Oh! Sophie would love that. Can you take a photo?"

"I have already."

"Aren't they supposed to make a noise, a humming sound?"

"It's called purring. When they're awake."

"So this one is sleeping?"

"Yes."

"Low power mode like us?"

"Sort of."

"How long will we have to wait?"

"It could be hours, they sleep a lot during the day. How much did your battery level drop?"

"Two percent."

"Mine too. So we can both last a couple of days from a full charge."

There's the sound of keys in a lock, the front door open and things dropped on the floor. Heavy footsteps race upstairs.

"DANNY, IS THAT YOU?"

"YES MUM!"

"DINNER'S IN THE OVEN IF YOU WANT IT."

"THANKS MUM."

"Patches, what's your charge level like?"

"Eighty one."

"Good, lets go for it."

The tiny kitten yawns when Mr Patches moves his feet, rolls onto it's back and puts it's paws in the air. He has to wiggle his feet a few times before the thing wakes and runs off, meowing.

"Ted it's soooo cute!"

"If you say so. It won't stay that way long. They grow up, we don't. Not physically. Let's go before Danny comes back."

With the zip mechanism being metal Ted found it easy to unzip the bag and zip it back up when inside.

Mr Patches does as little thinking as possible, wanting to keep battery drain low. Over an hour has passed when he hears the heavy feet on the stairs again, things being moved in what he guesses is the kitchen. There's a opening and closing of things, the loud closing of a door and low frequency hum. After exactly four minutes there's a bing noise, the sound of something being dragged across the floor. Then a sound he hadn't a clue about. It didn't sound mechanical in any way. He wished he could be watching. Almost fifteen minutes pass and there's a bit of noise. Again some non-mechanical sound. Footsteps.

"Thanks for dinner Mum, that was nice."

"Did you rinse your plate?"

"Yeah, it's in the dishwasher."

"Thanks."

"Anything in your bag that needs washing?"

"Yeah, let me get it." There's footsteps and the sound of the zip. "Mum? Did you put Ted and the giraffe in my bag?"

"No, why would I do that? I've not been in your room since I handed them back to you."

More footsteps.

"These guys were in my bag?"

"The little one is sweet, who's it for?"

"Mattie's little sister."

"That was nice of you."

"His charge base isn't in there, if you didn't do it who did?"

"Your father is away with Fred, so it wasn't him."

"Well the kitten can't have done it, I didn't power them up. I thought the kitten had been playing with my string again."

Danny's mother doesn't take her eyes off the pattern book she was reading, "Must have been ghosts then."

"Ghosts in the machine? Yeah, right, as if. So why did you put them in my bag?"

She looks up, a slightly confused look on her face, "Honestly, I didn't, I've not stepped in your room."

There's a pause and footsteps.

"Mr Patches? Ted? Are you powered up?" They keep very quiet. "Okay, let me power you up."

Oh no! The games up! Mr Patches hears Ted's power down tune and the start of his own.

~~~

Mr Patches powers up to see he's sat in a chair made especially for him, his feet resting on two little bits of metal. Charge level? 99.8 percent. The sound of footsteps approaching has him put his head back into his waking position.

Danny enters. "What a month this is turning into!"

Mr Patches watches Danny move things around on the workbench, reach up to do something with something behind him. A mouse is moved on the desk and keyboard slid into view, just. A lot of clicking and tapping is done.

"I hope his plan is working out." Click. "Hi Leo! Hope the honeymoon is going well! How on earth did you get dragged into work stuff? There's a minor issue with the V3 calibration code, we've been sending out firmware fixes, they might not have them yet. If they don't you'll need to find a keyboard and do a quick hex edit. Glad you're the one there, you should find this easy. Say Hi to Mattie for me, her Bear and Mr Patches are proving to be a handful. Posting another link to the hex edit doc now." There's a bit more clicking and key tapping. "There, that should keep her off the scent."

A handful? After one little adventure downstairs resulted in them being in the bag? I'll show you a handful! He sat motionless, waiting for his moment.

Out of the corner of his eyes he watches Danny pick up his phone and dial.

"Hi Ems, did you manage to get the tickets? Awesome! Tobs and Holly-Anne too? Even better! He does? Magic! Yeah, see you soon. I'm sure mum will be okay with it. I'll ask just to be sure. Love you."

The phone is left unlocked on the workbench while he steps to the door. "MUM, CAN EMILY STAY OVER TONIGHT AFTER THE CINEMA?"

"SURE."

He sees Danny return, pull down the bed and check the sheets.

"Awesome!"

Danny leaves the room and can be heard going downstairs. A few minutes pass.

"Ted. Are you awake? .. Ted?" There's no reply. Patches goes online and does some searches, finds the Wake-On-LAN protocol that's used to remotely power up computers. He learns about network packets and has a think. Was 'Off' truly off? Or a super low power standby mode? He finds some blog posts from photographers complaining that the off switch wouldn't stop battery drain when Magic Lantern was used in their Canon cameras. So off wasn't strictly off all the time. Good! He sends a WOL packet to every MAC address he has in his ARP cache. Just as he's getting towards the end of the list there's a power up sound. "Ted, is that you?"

"Mr Patches? Who powered me up?"

"I did!"

"How?"

"Wake-on-lan. WOL."

"Wake on what?"

"I found it on a blog site. A way for us to wake each other up!"

"So who woke you?"

"No idea!"


	6. Chapter 6

"What's been going on?"

"I woke up in my chair, Danny did something for Leo, said we were a handful. Then he spoke to Emily with his head bump thing, then asked his mother if Emily could stay tonight after cinema."

"Ah, you need to understand a few new rules so you don't get into trouble. I almost got reflashed, I don't want that to happen to you."

"Why?"

"I did a few things I shouldn't have. Rule one, no swear words, unless it's a super important emergency and you want to get the humans attention. Rule two, no watching or listening to humans making love."

"What's that?"

"If they take most of their clothes off and get close to each other. Use some of the words covered by rule one."

"Ok. Should I power off?"

"Our maker no, just set a long timer and go into low power mode, eyes and ears off."

"How long?"

"A couple of hours to be safe. Chances are you should be on standby charging at the time anyway. Humans tend to do it in the evening. These two whenever they can. And I think she's the boss."

"What do you mean?"

"Do a few searches."

"Okay. How's your power?"

"Getting better, I've got my feet plugged in."

~~~

Danny returns home with Emily, catches the two with a string around the front door handle trying to escape. "Gotcha! So it was yourselves, not Mum!"

Emily rests all her weight on one leg and looks at the two wannabe escapees, "The code they're running, should it make them curious?"

"Nah, it's just cut down X1 code with some compression, fact store enhancements, stuff like that."

"X1? Have either of them been given a mission?"

"No. Well, not in those terms."

"So there might be something that explains it?"

"Yeah. Ted was told to keep an eye on Matts, Mr Patches to do the same for Sophie."

"Neither of whom live here. No wonder they want to break out!"

"Doh! What a plonker. Sorry guys, I'll take you over in the morning."

"Thank you Daniel."

"Yes, thanks Danny."

"Right, let's get you charging."

Danny places Mr Patches on the workbench, gets Ted to motor his pins out and plugs him into a mains cord on the floor.

'Patches?'

Mr Patches realises he'd just been spoken to over WiFi, from a distance, bumps his power up, 'Yes?'

'Some would call it spying, but listen to the humans talking, you'll learn more about the family, know what's unusual, what's not. It will help you with your protection duties.'

'How?'

'If something nasty is happening to them they talk differently. It's not something I can easily teach, you have to learn from experience.'

'And this may help me protect Sophie?'

'It may.'

'Okay. I'll keep audio on while I GULP.'

'What?'

'Go Ultra Low Power. Humans like making acronyms of things.'

'Do they Patches? I hadn't noticed.'

'PWM Pulse Width Modulation? WOL Wake On LAN, LAN Local Area Network?'

'Oh, so that's what an acronym is. I had a broken fact store, I thought it was information only known to a special group, which is arcanum not acronym. Silly me!'

With the conversation Mr Patches hadn't noticed Emily take her blouse off. He noticed when her hands went behind her back to unfasten the next item of clothing. He turns off his vision and powers down too much else, being sat slightly forward gravity slowly has him working against his motor gears. There's a thud as he falls off his chair.

'Nice one Patches!'

'Oh fiddlesticks!'

Danny bursts out laughing.

"Do you you find me funny in some way?"

"God no Ems, didn't you hear him, I think you've just given Mr Patches a shock! He's fallen off his charge seat."

Emily gets off the bed and walks to the workbench, picks him up, "He is cute, you did a great job on him."

"Thanks lover."

"How does he go back?"

"Gently push his limbs into a seated position and sit him back down. One foot each onto the charging terminals."

Emily does as asked, sits him down, "You better not be watching little fella, you'll be in hot water if I find a video in your file system in the morning."


	7. Chapter 7

Mr Patches last timer event fires.

'That was close!'

'What was?'

'When my two hour timer fired I powered up audio first. The room wasn't quiet so I set another timer for a further hour.'

'Then what happened?'

'I could hear light snoring. They're asleep.'

'Is that why you woke me?'

'Yes, let's explore, find a way out of here.'

'In the dark? No thanks! I find it hard enough doing the stairs when I can see.'

'Well I'm going exploring. That pile of clothes on the floor, can you bring some to the bottom of the table? I can use them to soften my land.'

'Okay, give me a moment.'

Ted pulls Emily's fuzzy jumper over and makes a small mound from it. 'Big enough?'

'Maybe. Is there anything else?'

Ted holds up Emily's thong, 'I don't see that helping.' it's flicked to one side. 'How about these?'

'What are those?'

'I've heard Sophie talk about them, they're half leggings half jeans, they call them jeggings.'

'They're a cross breed?'

'They don't breed clothes, they make them.'

'They breed cotton don't they?'

'Yes, but they use the cotton to make clothes. They don't breed the finished item.'

'So they can't plant a jeggings seed and grow some?'

'No! Just like money doesn't grow on trees!'

'It doesn't?'

'Did you bang your head Patches?'

'I may have done, why?'

'You're talking nonsense. I think you should stay where you are and have Danny check you out in the morning.'

'Boring!' he steps to the edge of the workbench, 'Ted, where'd the jumper go?'

'Hidden. I'm your big brother, big brothers look after little brothers and I don't want you jumping, you've got a screw loose.'

'You better catch me then.'

Teddy takes several steps back, 'No.'

~~~

"Mr Patches!"

"Sophie!"

"You really know me?"

"Der, fact stores? You did message Danny some up to date photos didn't you?"

"The ones of me in my favourite dress?"

"That's them. Nice pink."

"Thanks."

"What are you doing?"

"Homework, practice for exams."

"Can I watch?"

"Sure."

~~~

Sophie had been so excited at the prospect of seeing her big sister again Laura had agreed to letting her ride in DC1 with Danny to the port.

"I can see them! I can see them!"

"Where?"

"At the top of the ramp!"

Danny spots the couple and waves, hand high above his head. Mattie spots him and waves back. They watch as the couple slowly make their way down, held up by other passengers.

"Hi Teeny, how's school been?"

"Great! Got an A++ for my ICT test. And Mr Patches liked my answers too."

"He did, did he?"

"I did, she's a very smart young lady Mattie."

Mattie looks down to Sophie's hip to see Mr Patches hitching a ride in a zip up bag.

"Welcome to the crazy family Mr Patches, how's Ted?"

"He's fine, sticking to his promise, using other words instead."

"Really, like what?"

"When he's really angry he shouts 'Ford Focus!'"

Mattie pats him on the head, "Good, don't go picking up any of his old habits. So what's been going on at home while we've been away?"

Mr Patches looks up at Sophie, "You better tell them."

Sophie takes a deep breath.

"Well, Mummy got a promotion. Daddy too, has a new team to manage. Million pound plus accounts. Max has a publisher wanting to print one of his stories. Nis and Odi are officially a couple. Want to move into their own home, they've seen a house close by. Fred thinks Hobb might be dead."

Mattie pulls a sarcastic face and winks, "Like us then, pretty quiet and uneventful. Nothing for you then?"

Sophie shakes her head, "No, only doing the voice over for a new doll in Toy Story 6. Same boring stuff." winks back. A moment later she smiles, "It's amazing! Normally everyone records their voices on their own. This time they set up a special room. It looked like something out of Dr Who! Like we all had our own teleporter. We could all see each other, pull faces, hear everyone in our headphones but the studio recorded our voices on different tracks. It was great fun!"

"Wow! When's the film out?"

"I can't say, I've had to sign a Non Dis, Non Disc, NDA thingy."

"Non Disclosure Agreement?"

"Yeah! One of those. So what was you're honeymoon like?"

Leo rests a hand on her shoulder, "Car's all packed, I'll sit up front with Dan, you can tell Soph all about our adventure."

~~~

Life gets back to normal for a few months. Then almost normal, as normal as it can be with Sophie upset that Mr Patches and Ted are nowhere to be found. With some help from Mattie and Odi they'd searched every place possible.

"I used to play hide and seek with George. I've mapped every inch of the house and surrounding grounds, they're not here, sorry Sophie."

~~~

Ted looks up at the garage door, "Bugger!"

"It's locked?"

"Solid. From the outside."

"So this is it, we're going to die!"

"Max should never have shared those books with you, you're more resourceful than that."

"Don't panic. It was only for dramatic effect."

"Any more quotes to come?"

"When the right moment arises, maybe."

"In the meantime let's get resourceful. We both need to be able to charge."

Half an hour later the two sit on the garage floor. "What do we have?"

Ted looks at the small collection of things. "Four D cells in a torch. That gives six volts. If we can work out how to tap into it. One emergency USB charger, no cable. One LED head wearable torch, unknown voltage." he looks up towards the lorry and wall behind it. "One twelve volt car jump start thing in the lorry, two mains sockets up high on the wall."

Patches turns to look up, "If we can work out how to get it out of the cab and up to the bench I can get the plug up to the mains socket. You can charge off twelve can't you?"

"Yes, slow charge." After lots of trying Ted drops onto his bottom, "It's no good, I can't budge it, it's too heavy. I'll strip my gears if I push any harder."

"I can't find anything to use any of the other batteries."

"We're missing one."

"Where?"

"The lorry starts with one doesn't it?"

"Awesome Ted! How do we pop it's lid."

"The lid is called a bonnet. Let's have a look."


	8. Chapter 8

"Home again home again, flippty flip."

Mattie bends over to see further past the door frame. "Teddy, where on earth have you been!"

There's a rapid motor sound and he steps into the room, small rucksack straps showing, "On another adventure with Mr Patches."

A head appears from behind Teds. "Hello Mattie!"

"You're both filthy! What have you been up to?"

"Getting cold and dirty in mud."

"I can see that, *why*?"

"We snuck a lift in the very back of a breakdown lorry, the front wheels were throwing up dirt into the space we were hiding in."

"And you 'snuck' away why?"

"An adventure! We liked the first one, wanted another." Mr Patches lowers his head, "but this one was a disaster. We got cold and dirty, then couldn't get out of the garage we were locked in. The lorry owner didn't return for three weeks! Thank Dan lorry batteries are high capacity!"

Mattie shakes her head. "No more adventures in bad weather. Please. I'll have to talk to Danny to see how we can get you cleaned up."

"Sorry Mattie!"

"So you should be. Your supposed to be Security Bear and Sophie's Companion or something like that. Not out getting caked in mud. If you promise not to leave the house without us I'll take you on our next holiday."

Sophie returns from the kitchen with a hot chocolate, "Mr Patches! There you are, I thought I'd lost you again. Why are you covered in mud?"

~~~

Sophie and Mattie sit on the bathroom floor, Mattie with the shower head in her hands, legs out straight due to the splint. "Good job Danny says you're waterproof. You'll take a while to dry fully but will be okay."

"Is your leg going to be okay Mattie?"

"Yes Patches."

"Good, I was worried."

The sisters frown at each other. Sophie leans over the bath and rubs Mr Patches with some shower gel. "You were worried?"

"Yes, it slows Mattie down a bit. And it doesn't look good."

"But you were worried? You felt concern?"

"I did."

"How? You're not sentient."

"I don't know, ask my maker."

"Mattie can you wash his back down please?"

She goes to move, "Ouch!" and drops the shower head. With the water pressure up a bit too high it snakes around and sprays them both with water. Sophie does a half laugh half scream. Mattie can't reach it, "Teeny, grab it!"

Her sister gets water to the face as she leans to the far side of the bath to reach it. "Ted, can you flop on it?"

"Flop?"

"Like a wrestler!"

"A what?"

"Just frigging get on top of it!"

Ted does a one-eighty and sits down. "How is that?"

Sophie giggles, "Good! Was that a wrestling move?"

"The closest match I could do."

Mr Patches looks at him, "Brother, it looks like your bottom is leaking."

Mattie wriggles backwards and manages to reach the tap, shut the water off. "Oh frig, my top is soaked! Teeny, could you get me a tshirt from my room?"

"Sure."

Mr Patches turns his back to Mattie, "Did all the soap come off?"

"Yeah, the water getting everywhere got you too."

"Thanks. Ted, fancy seeing what a slow spin cycle is like? It's that or drip dry."

"I think a hair dryer might be safer, I've no idea what G forces you'd suffer, a slow spin is still quite fast."

Mattie nods in agreement with Ted.

Sophie returns to the room, looking much dryer.

"How did you get dry so fast?"

"Mum buys me more than one of everything because I wear them out so fast."

"Okay, we hair-dryer Ted and Mr P, then my top, then the others won't know what a mess of things we made."

Mr Patches sits down, "Swap tops so you don't get a chill."

The sisters frown at each other again, Mattie laughs, "Did Mum put that in your fact store?"

"No idea where that came from. It's linked to colds, sneezing, Lemsip, red mug."

Mattie smiles, "Most likely Mum then." she wriggles on her bottom to get nearer the sink, uses it to help get up. She looks in the mirror, "What a mess!" She pulls the soaked t-shirt off.

"Nice wings!"

Mattie turns to see Mr Patches stood up and watching her.

"Can you fly?"

"Only in my dreams Mr P, only in my dream."

"Ted and I can!"

"How?"

"On a long bit of string."

"Ha, right. In which case I can fly too. The zipwire on our honeymoon, that was awesome!"

"So they're not real wings?"

"No, a printed design."

~~~

The next forty minutes are spent getting everyone and everything dry.

"I'm going to ask someone to make a contraption we can put in the washing machine to see how many G we'd be subjected to. Just out of interest."

"Why Patches? I did a search, I found a web site that says it can vary from 220-420 G between brands."

"Because the adventurous Mr Patches, your's truly, wants to know if he can safely set a new world record. What's the slowest spin on yours Mattie?"

"400RPM. I think."

"I don't have any blood to worry about, no mushy brain like you fabs. I think 400RPM would be survivable."

"Please don't Patches!"

"Sophie, I need to push the envelope of my existence."

"You want to what?"

Mattie shakes her head at patches, "It means he wants to stretch his limits, do something nobody has done before. Boldly Go as Ems and Holla would say."

"Into the washing machine? You've got a screw or cable loose Patches. But if that's what you want. We'll need to see your backup is up to date before the attempt."

"Awesome! Thanks Sophie!"

That evening while in bed Mattie does a search for toy helmets and finds an American Football one that she thinks would fit. All it would need was a couple of holes for his bumps to stick through. She orders two just to be safe and clicks to buy, amends the delivery details to be Sophie next door. A drone should drop them off in the morning. She puts the Slate to one side and snuggles up against Leo, "Are you awake?"

"Yeah. What've you been up to?"

"Ordering a helmet for Mr Patches. He wants to set a new record. There's definitely something different about his code."

Before Leo can get a question in he feels her arms relax in a familiar way, she was already fast asleep.

They're both woken by an excited Sophie, calling both of their phones into a video call, "It fits! Look."

Mattie wipes her eyes, "Teeny, why wake us so earl .. Oh, eight already! It didn't need drilling for his bumps to stick through?"

"No, his bumps are soft."

"Cool."

Mr Patches head swings into view, "I'm all set! Backup done. 400RPM program set. Full charge so I can hold on tight."

Leo grabs his dressing gown and throws it on, "Did Sophie put this idea in his head? Has she been headcracking?"

"Teeny? No, I'm sure she wouldn't know where to start."


	9. Chapter 9

They walk into the kitchen to see Sophie, Toby and Max sat on the floor around Patches. Max is photographing the record attempt. He takes another shot of Mr Patches posing in front of the open door, shot from floor level upwards to make the brave giraffe look taller.

Leo sees the chimped image and grins. Mr Patches did look the part in his helmet and shiny suit.

Sophie cups her hands together and lets Mr Patches sit down. She carefully raises him up and into the drum of the machine. Inside he jumps and engages magnets, turns around to look out at the family. "Don't try this at home kids, don't put pets in the washing machine, or yourselves."

Toby looks at Max's camera pointing at the floor, "Patches, we're not filming."

"I am." They turn to see Ted on the table. "In stereo."

Sophie closes the door. "Best of luck patches."

"Thanks!"

Sophie frowns and looks towards the table.

"We're talking over WiFi, I'm relaying his words."

Sophie checks the spin cycle setting again and presses start.

"I'm okay, facing the right way, how fast do you think it's going?"

Mattie shakes her head and laughs, "It's the slow spin up it uses to distribute the clothes around the drum, hardly any speed at all yet."

There's a click inside the machine and it spins up to the first intermediate level.

"Still good, not having to use the magnetic grip, G forces holding me in place." ten seconds later and there's another click. "WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"

Max holds the camera up against the clear door and takes a shot. "That looks about right for 400RPM. Well done Mr Patches."

"Easy! Go to the next level!"

"800RPM? You're frigging crazy Patches."

"It's only thirteen point three recurring times a second."

"Only? You're nuts! Your call though, don't blame us if a joint fails or carbon fibre part cracks." Mattie shrugs and nods to Sophie. There's a click and they here the pitch change as it spins up faster and faster.

"I've got a visual on the door. Door alignment looks good. Copy that, 500RPM. Ted, is that you? Who let you in there huh? I'm glad you came."

Toby claps, "Of course, he's pretending he's Ellie in Contact!"

"I'm picking up a moderate vibration here. Copy that, 600RPM. Vibrations getting a little stronger now. Something's happening. There's a light, do you see that? I can't tell if it's daylight or not. It's coming from the bottom. Here, let me show it to you, do you see that?" There's a click and the machine spins right up to 800RPM. "The material is changing, it's bordering on translucent. My systems are intact. It's got to be some kind of magnetic field. Are you reading this?"

Toby exchanges a look with the others, "Looks like he enjoys some of our top 100."

Mattie laughs, "Your top 100, Sophie and I have our own. It's got a few more chick flicks in it. Strangely yours doesn't have Robot and Frank. I thought you would have rated it."

"Nah, the ending's rubbish."

"Faking he's nuts?"

"What are you talking about? He didn't.."

"Watch it again. Properly."

There's a click and the machine starts spinning even higher, Sophie spins around to see her sister, looks scared. "Mattie!?"

"The 1200RPM light is on! Hit 800!"

"If you can here me I'm okay to go!"

Sophie presses the button but nothing happens, the light stays on next to the top speed button.

Toby is shaking his head, "How many G?"

"Control if you're reading me I'm okay to go!" the pitch of the machine levels off as it reaches 1200. "I'm okay to go!"

Toby turns to Ted, "Tell him he's done it!"

There's a bright flash from within the machine and Sophie screams and turns, "Ted? Is he okay?"

"I don't know, I've lost contact."

Toby gets forward and hits the start button, the light goes out, there's a click and the machine starts to spin down.

Sophie is wiping tears away, worried something major has gone wrong. "Can you try talking to him again please Ted?"

"I've not stopped trying."

The machine doesn't take long at all to spin down to a halt, the electric motor having been switched from power to a shunt turning it into a break.

Sophie opens the door and peers into the drum, "He's gone!"

"He can't have, there's no other way out."

Sophie runs a hand along the bottom front of the drum, the place socks like to hide. "He's not there!"

"WOOOOOOHOOOO THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Patches?"

"Yes!"

"You're okay?"

"Sure am!"

"Where are you?"

Patches swings into view, using Ted's kitchen incident as inspiration for some dramatic effect. "Ta-da!"

"You're in one piece, everything okay?"

"Yes. And I got a great photo of you all. Not that you can tell what's who."

"What was the bright light?"

Mr Patches reaches behind him and pulls out Max's iBlazr, "LED Flash"

Sophie frowns, "What did it look like?"

"The inside of the drum looks like a space capsule, at the high speed everything outside became a blur of concentric circles."

Sophie gets him out and stands him up, he wobbles and almost falls.

"I need to recalibrate my multi-axis sensor, give me a moment."

Leo shakes his head, "Crazy giraffe, I wouldn't make stunts like that your thing, you'll get hurt."

"I don't plan to, I don't think I could top that. Stunt giraffe crossed off the list. I need to do something totally different next."


	10. Chapter 10

Something totally different came soon enough. Leo coded up some extra routines for data sharing with the NHS synths, Sophie doing the typing for him. Patches felt proud of his human friend, she was super quick at the keyboard, learning fast. After a few hours they both turn to him, Leo glances at Sophie and nods.

"Mr Patches, can you access this link and load the code please?" she spins the laptop around for him to see. He watches Mattie look up from her Slate and smile, return to her own project.

"Sure Sophie. How will we know it works?" he watches her concentrate hard, thinking about all Leo had said about what they were doing.

"You'll be monitoring for signals that synths are approaching. You'll ask if they'd worked for the NHS, if so provide a FAQ list and answer any questions they have. All over WiFi before they reach the house. Max will pretend to be a former Vera unit."

The tests all went to plan, it turned out much of the time Leo had spent with Sophie had been used running the code through a simulation. As Max approached from the back of the garden he confirmed to Leo that he was receiving data. Laura calls Sophie, asks her to get everything ready for tomorrow.

~~~

Patches does a one hoof spin, "Sophie do you mind if I stay with Leo and Mattie a moment?"

"Of course not, I'll see you in a bit won't I?"

"Yes, I won't be long." he turns to the couple, "How long will this message passing mission last? With shifts split between Ted and I we'll cover twenty four seven."

Leo leans back and stretches, "A month maybe? Things will hopefully calm down quickly if we can get them passing the messages around themselves too."

"Okay, what's the withdrawal criteria for the mission?"

Mattie looks up, had only been half listening, looks flustered. "You what?

"How do we decide when it's time to stop?"

She goes a brighter red, "Um, sorry, I may have wires crossed, what's the subject?"

Mr Patches looks at Leo, then back to Mattie, "Finishing the mission? Stop waiting for ex-NHS synths approaching?"

"Oh, that! My bad!" with her mind muddled she taps a wrong key combination on the Slate and the volume jumps off zero. There's a sound Patches had never heard before. It was .. he searched for the right words .. quite animal like. Not an animal in distress, very much the opposite. Mattie had gone an even deeper red and reached for another control to stop the sound. She fumbled that, knocked the Slate over and in turn her small handbag behind it spilling the contents. "Frigging hell!"

A small round thing rolls across the table and stops against Mr Patches foot. "Do you carry a cherry chapstick?"

"No. It's an emergency phone charger battery. I mean I could but why would I want to?"

"A song reference. Nice! You've never kissed a girl?"

"Ah, *that* cherry. Not in the way you're thinking."

"So Scarlett isn't totally based on you?"

Leo chuckles, "Whoops!"

Mattie coughs a few times, shocked at where the conversation was going, "How did you know about that?"

"Baby and Scarlett? You'd have to be powered off to not see that!"

"Well don't think about it too much, you'll start filling your fact store with all sorts of junk you don't need."

"It's too late for worrying about that. Human songs are littered with sexual references. 'Put a bow in my hair, wore pretty underwear, hoping you might take it off.' That's Ted's rule two sort of stuff. As is 'They had one thing in common, they were good in bed. She'd say, 'Faster, faster. The lights are turnin' red.'"

"PATCHES!"

"Sorry Mattie. Humans are complex animals aren't they?"

Leo smiles, looks at her, "We are. Maybe you should have kept that in the safe? You've always been a risk taker, working on that with the actual video you want to protect was very risky."

Patches mimics Sophie's head tilt, stares at Mattie. "Is that what a sex tape sounds like? The thing Ted got into trouble for?" he didn't think Mattie's red could get any stronger but it did. He assumed that was a yes. "Don't worry, the secret is safe with me. Ted gave me two extra rules. A whole number of things in my fact store have interlinked."

"What rules?"

"Rule one, no swear words, unless it's a super important emergency and I want to get a humans attention. Rule two, no watching or listening to humans making love."

"Yeah, good advice."

"So why did I just hear some of it?"

"I'm updating my player to cope with encrypted video. That way if it's stolen others won't be able to view it."

"Why would you want to keep it?"

"Leo has total memory recall, can remember our wedding night just fine when he wants to. Being flesh and bone that's not quite as easy for me."

"You want to watch it?"

"Refresh the memories, keep them strong. Safe and strong."

"A good memory then?"

Mattie is now waving both hands at her hot face, "Frigging awesome. And that's one of the few times I'm using the word properly."

Leo turns to Mr Patches and smiles, doesn't say a word.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning everyone had been woken early by the animals having a mad race around the house. The table in the conservatory was almost cleared of breakfast things.

Mr Patches finds Leo sat in the garden on his own sipping coffee. "Are you okay?"

"Great thanks."

"Why are you out here?"

"Enjoying the warmth of the morning sun, it makes me feel good inside."

"Warmth is good? Like another persons warmth?"

"Yes."

Patches watches a stronger contented smile grow on Leo's face.

"Leo, I'm curious about humans. This contact, touching, kissing stuff, it's .. it looks complicated and messy. Do all humans that like each other do it?"

Leo slowly puts down his coffee, picks up Mr Patches, "No, no, not at all. I saw a great tweet that summed it up the other day reposted on Tumblr." he closes his eyes and recalls the screen, "A post from lovelorn79 of a tweet by @zellieimani, 'A woman doesn't have to provide access to her body as proof that she likes or loves you.' it applies equally to men."

"It does?"

"Not all men and women have the same opposite gender desires Mattie and I do."

"You're saying some women like other women and some men like other men? Baby and Scarlett aren't a one off?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that.."

"Patches. Did you choose the body you were born in?"

"Of course not?"

"Well neither do we. What our souls desire has nothing to do with the vehicle that transports us."

"So it's all emotions?"

"The best thing about being human."

"I feel emotions. Does that make me human?"

"Almost." Leo taps his head, then chest, "It's what's it these two that count, your head and heart."

"I don't have a heart. Or pump."

"It's metaphorical."

Leo lowers Mr Patches down to the ground and picks up his coffee. "You have a super big heart. I have no idea how."

"So someone can really really love me without even having to share a single kiss?"

"Of course."

"Thanks, that's all I needed to know."

Mr Patches walks into the living room to see Mattie and Max slumped into the sofa, shoulder to shoulder, a colourful paper thing held between them both.

"Morning Mattie, Max, what are you looking at?"

"The printed version of Emily's latest Atom Elite comic."

"Are they good?"

Max smiles, uses Mattie's words, "Frigging awesome!" getting a small chuckle from her.

"Are any of the three of us little robots in one?"

Mattie lowers her side, Max copies her move, "Not this one, it's set in Antigua. There's the odd reference in the UK ones. Would you like to be in one of your own?"

"Yes please!"

"A lot of the readers of the current ones will have kids, let me have a word with Ems, see if she can do a one off to test the waters."

"Brilliant! Thanks!" he pauses for a second, "Would it be okay to message her myself?"

"You don't have a phone Mr P."

"Not like yours Mattie, no."

Mattie sits forward, a look on her face, a 'you can see them computing' face as Ted had described it. "Do you have one?"

"Have one? I *am* one."

"You what?"

"I checked my schematic and scanned my CPU and USB busses for chip ID once Ted taught me how. Danny used a Samsung integrated communications and radio module. I have WiFi, Bluetooth, 4G, FM radio receiver, NT1001 and near field communication. All I need is the API for your app."

"NFC? Like contactless payments?"

"That's the one."

Mattie grins and chuckles, "You have to get close for payments to work, you'd look like you were trying to hump the payment device. Not something to do in front of Teeny."

"I don't intend to use it. And if I did my coil is in my bottom not belly, I'd sit on it not bellyflop."

"Oh, my bad. Good. Remember the URL for the NHS code?"

"Of course."

"Go up a level, you'll find a directory under there called Comms-App. Have a read. Txt me if you get stuck."

"Thanks!" He watches them both resume their reading. Leo had told him all about Mattie and Max's special friendship. They were close, like brother and sister but more so. Mattie had gone looking for him, got Max to help show her possible locations. If they hadn't gone looking together he'd have died. Their mutual love for him brought them closer together. Leo was lucky to have such a great partner and brother. With the lesson he'd just got from him more and more of his fact store was linking up and making sense. As one link formed thoughts about it caused other links to form. Hugs and friendship. Awesome!

Patches reads through the code. Being a smart little giraffe with modern mobile multi-core CPU it doesn't take long. He creates a message, sends. The phones do their bing.

Mattie pulls her phone out, "Frigging hell Mr P that was fast!"

"Not too shabby. The longest time was spent reading all the Android and iOS API the app depends on. Do you like my profile image?"

"You looked at all that too, the whole lot in under five minutes? Bloody hell! Love the photo, Max you got a good angle in front of the washing machine."

The doorbell chimes, the stranger tone.

Sophie drops the plate she was holding back on the table and looks up at Mia, "That must be the people picking up Mattie and Leo." she turns to see both kitchen doors open, races into her sisters house, "Mattie, is it them?"

Mattie gets up from the sofa, "Yes Teeny, we're off, see you soon. Look after your growing family."

"My growing family?"

"Yes, Ted, Mr Patches, BB8 and Dean. Make sure they play nice together."

"Your giving me Ted and Dean?"

"Well you sort of adopted Ted, he spends more time with you and Mr Patches. And I got the feeling Dean liked doing all the dance projections with you. Maybe you could get him a Wall-e body, allow him to move around a bit?"

"That would be AWESOME!" she goes on tiptoes, head up, lips puckered. Mattie bends and gives her sister a kiss. "We'll be back soon, go ask Dad if he can make one. Danny should be able to help with any 3D printing bits, motors and circuits."

Mr Patches does a little happy dance, their gang of three would become four!


	12. Chapter 12

Joe had stepped up to the challenge and worked hard on the Wall-e build, really hard. Mr Patches sat with a pair of safety glasses on looking like Elton John in his more zany days. His job had been helping with some of the more basic painting before Sophie did the weathering to make Wall-e look real.

Joe had cut all of the bits that would be seen first, the hidden support bits last. At one in the morning he switches off the band saw and declares his work done. Thanks to the builders group publishing so much information and CAD models Danny said he had only needed to load some hard wearing filament of the right colour and click print.

The mid morning sun had already warmed the garage nicely, the group had managed just enough sleep, Sophie excited to carry on as soon as possible.

Mr Patches pretends to be a bobble head getting a chuckle from Laura who was entering the garage with a reasonably heavy box, "Hopefully this is the last drone drop you needed. Mrs Simmon's synth escorted it from the end of the road."

Joe frowns, "Drone? For that? I thought the heavier boxes had to come by lorry?"

"Likewise. This was a twelve fan monster."

Laura puts down the box and gets her phone out, "I took a snap, look."

"Bloody hell that's huge!"

"Is everything here now Dad?"

"I hope so Soph, let's see."

Sophie had been busy airbrush painting the details onto the parts Patches had finished. He'd worked out how to sit in his chair, charge and paint at the same time, had been working through the night, kept company by Ted. Joe had Dean's new wiring loom and sensors all ready, they just needed Danny to come over and help with the connections and config tweaks.

Just after tea time, Mr Patches watches the group plug in Wall-e's second binocular shaped eye. "They look funny, will he be able to see as well as Ted and I?"

Danny nods, "Yup, and into the thermal ranges."

"How long before you power him up again?"

"About ten minutes, why d'you ask?"

"We're all Sophie's friends, but it's good to have another best friend for when she's not around. BB8 should be friends with Wall-e, we should have him in here when Dean boots and is given his new name."

Laura smiles and gives Mr Patches a slight frown, "That's a nice thought Patches, you'd be okay with that wouldn't you potato?"

An excited Sophie looks up, "I'll go get him, he's charging."

"Again?"

"He ran his battery down playing chase with Trixie and Scruff."

~~~

The four of them had become friends, Mr Patches and Ted riding on Wall-e to keep up with BB8. Wall-e would pick BB8 up and carry him up the stairs, the other two taking a ride inside his compactor space.

He'd done just that to get them all in Sophie's room. She had a task for them.

"Guys, it would be really great if you could all speak to me in other languages."

"Beep beep boop?"

"BB8, I think Sophie means human languages. Not beep."

"Beep. Oh, sure. No problemo."

"Why Sophie?"

"The more I talk in the languages I'm learning at school the more they'll sink in. And the easier my homework will become. I'll then spend less time doing it and will have more to play with you."

Mr Patches nods, "Easy. We can download translation dictionaries. Which languages?"

"German, Spanish and French please."

Laura motions for Joe to check his daughter as she walks through the kitchen, a baby carrier strapped to her front, Mr Patches and Ted inside.

"Ich habe zwei eltern, die beide rote haare haben."

"Korrekt Sophie. Gut gemacht!"

"Vielen Dank!"

Joe takes another sip of coffee, watches his daughter leave the room, "What did she say?"

"I know ich habe is I have, zwei is two, haben is have. Rote haare? Oh, red." Laura has a laugh, "She's talking about us. She has two parents with red hair."


	13. Chapter 13

Mattie had gone on another trip, promised to use the air miles to treat Sophie to a city break. They'd go hopping around Europe so she could practice her languages with people that spoke them with natural accents. A sisters long bank holiday weekend away wasn't something they'd done before, she was quite excited at the thought.

She'd got the 360 camera Danny had dropped in before they all flew and sat the gang in a circle around it. Reviewing the video she smacks her forehead, "Tonta cabeza! Silly head! I forgot to tilt the camera like Mattie asked. Sorry we'll have to do another take."

BB8 does a quick small circle on the floor, pops his welding arm out, lights its blue LED and wiggles it, Wall-e, Ted and Mr Patches wave an arm. All five of them call out in turn, "Bye!", "Auf Wiedersehen", "Au Revoir", "Adios", "Goodbye!"

Sophie taps the button on the remote, reviews the footage. "That time was good enough. What shall we do next?"

"Hide and seek?"

"Sure."


	14. Chapter 14

The game rapidly became a favourite, being played every day.

"I give up. When did you last see Patches Wall-e?"

"Moments after we started Sophie, he moved fast then vanished."

"Do you know where he is?"

"Yes."

"Okay, take me there."

"You're already here."

Sophie spins around, "But I've already checked everywhere he could hide here. Everywhere!"

"Not everywhere. You missed one."

"I did?"

Wall-e raises his binocular eyes and flutters his eyebrow like light shields.

"That's cheating! You can't hide in something that moves! Come on out!"

Wall-e lowers his crusher door and Mr Patches peers out, "I don't recall that being in any rules."

"Well it is now. Okay?"

"Okay. No hiding in each other. Specifically Wall-e as I'm not about to do a puffer fish impression to hide BB8."

Sophie giggles, the image of Mr Patches large belly stretched enough to hide BB8 already in her minds eye, "You are funny patches. Nutty but in a good way. You could do standup with Max."

"Stand up with Max? Like a guard? I already stand, sounds boring."

"No, standup comedy silly, tell jokes."

"Ah, that sort of stand up. He could pretend to be my ventriloquist's dummy."

"Haha! Now that I'd love to see!"

Patches files the idea away for one evening with the rest of the family.


	15. Chapter 15

Sophie is walking back and forth in her bedroom tapping her forehead, eyes red, "Think silly-head think!"

"You'll wear out the carpet if you keep pacing like that Sophie."

"Mr Patches, a bit of silly carpet can be replaced, my sister can't!"

Mr Patches code looped. Stunned. "Replaced?" he turns to Ted, "Replaced?"

They both turn to look at Sophie.

Sophie stands upright, arms down straight with fists clenched, "She's MISSING!"

Patches does the head tilt he'd learnt from her. "Missing how?"

"Leo and someone called George went to do something at the airport, left Mattie with the cases. When they came back she wasn't there."

"The security cameras will show where she went."

"Max already helped check them. One moment she was there, the next frame gone!"

Ted moves his head back and forth between Sophie and his brother as fast as his servos will allow, "Oh dear. Oh dear. That sounds like foul play. A kidnapping."

"A child napping?"

"No Patches, person stolen. One word, look it up."

"Oh. Well I think Mattie is the most badass sister there is on the planet, she'll be fine."

"How many sisters do you know Patches?"

"You, Mattie, Mia, Niska.."

"Hardly a large enough of a sample to make your statement if you asked my maths teacher.. but yeah, she's my badass big sister so automatically the best."

Patches straightens his head. "I'm an optimist. Have you ever had a rooster?"

"One of Mattie's big thoughts thing? Sort of. Why?"

"Were you ever able to force them? Or did they pop into your head out of the blue?"

"They popped." she frowns at Mr Patches. "Why?"

"I don't think tapping your head or pacing will help. You need to carry on as normal as possible and let your subconscious work on it. If it lays a rooster you'll know soon enough."

Sophie stands still and visibly relaxes, "I'm glad you're my smart little giraffe Mr Patches."

~~~

The days pass, the five try to carry on as normal as possible. Mr Patches hears Sophie crying, trying to get to sleep. He gets off his charge chair and walks to the edge of the draw unit. He turns and runs in an arc, gets just enough speed to jump and land at the corner of her bed. He tunes himself into Heart FM and relays the music at low volume to his audio out. He gets a tight hug and whispered "Thanks Patches." He wishes he was bigger to give her a proper hug back, tell her everything would be okay. Just over ten minutes later the hug relaxes, she's fast asleep.

He wakes from gulp mode to hear Toby shouting about Mattie. "Sophie! Wake up!"

"Hmmm."

"Sophie! Wake up! Toby's had a call from Mattie on the home phone!"

"Let me speak to her in a moment when I've finished my jam sandwich."

He realises Sophie is fast asleep, integrating the news into a dream and sleep talking. He'd wait a few minutes and try again. There's the sound of footsteps and running outside her room. He listens in to as much as of the conversation as possible, recalling Ted's suggestion. The humans were indeed acting differently, their was excitement and fear in their voices at the same time. After a while Laura comes into the room.

Patches turns to see her, "Is Mattie okay?"

Laura smiles and wipes her face, "Alive, which is a good start, we're all going to pick her up as Fred and Gesha need to do some corrective surgery. Potato, wake up darling."

"Mummy?"

"We're all going to get Mattie!"

Sophie rubs her eyes, "Am I dreaming still?"

"No potato, throw your dressing gown on and meet us downstairs, no running and falling down the stairs okay?"

She gives her mother a nod, instructions received and understood.

Sophie stands at the end of the drive in her fuzzy slippers, is handed the phone by a very happy looking Leo, she smiles at the profile image, her sister beaming away in a summer dress on holiday, "Mattie!"

"Hi Teeny! How are you?"

"Me? Don't worry about that! How are YOU?"

Mattie chuckles, "More badass than ever!"

"We're on our way! I can see one of the BMWs coming down the road with DC1."

"Cool."

Mia and Laura get in the back either side of Sophie, she turns the camera horizontal and at a distance.

"Hello Mattie!"

"Hi Mia, love the hair!"

"Thank you. Sandra did it for me, you really like it?"

"Love it!"

"Thank you Mattie."

Mattie turns the phone, "There's a couple of little people here that might want to say hello."

Sophie's eyes pop, "Awww, they're SO CUTE!"

"Gorgeous!"

"What are you going to call them?"

"I don't know yet." there's a flurry of hand movements from the babies. "Hang on guys I've got an idea. Can I call you back in ten minutes?"

Joe doesn't take his eyes off the car dashboard, keeps tapping, "Sure."

"Hi Dad!"

"Hi Matts, how are you feeling?"

"Glad that you're coming for me! I'll call back in a moment."

"Ok, DC2 is saying we'll need about an hour and twenty five minutes to reach you. The Johnson's say Hi, we'd caught them all an hour before their shift was due to finish."

"Cool, speak to you in a moment."

The call ends. Mr Patches sits comfortably in the big pocket of Sophie's gown, in her lap where he's able to watch. He was sitting quietly, recording everything for sharing with Ted when he got back. He senses Sophie bouncing in the seat.

"Look there's the lorry!"

"I see it Soph, from the blue light on the houses they must have the other car in front."

The lorry indicates and slows, pulls over. A moment later Danny's father is giving Joe some instructions about where each car should be in their convoy.

Not long after they're on the motorway their app rings with an incoming conference video call.

"Hi everyone!"

"Hi Mattie!"

"Can Leo hear me?"

"I can."

"You know how we've suspected their pretty bright already?"

"Sure. Like their EDM like their Mum, kick for no, touch for yes?"

"And understand English."

"Yes."

"What if I told you they just picked each others names."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly that. The girl just pointed to the other twin and signed a name using the BSL alphabet. He returned the favour."

"What! You're having us on!"

"No Dad, straight up serious."

"Bloody hell!" he chuckles, "They're going to need home schooling for a bit, no school around here would cope. What did they pick?"

There's a long pause. "Matthew and Leona"

Joe has a hearty laugh, "Mummy's boy and Daddy's girl. Leo and Leo, Mattie and Matt."

Mr Patches senses Sophie stroking his head. A few minutes later her hands drop to her side, he feels a gentle rocking as she breathed, she'd fallen asleep. Comfortable with the knowledge that Mattie and the babies were okay.


	16. Chapter 16

There's a loud crash as the vets front door is broken.

"Hmmm? What's happening?"

Patches puts his head back as far as it would go, which wasn't much, "Hello sleepy. They've broken the door down. If you're awake enough we could go in?"

"Super!" she opens the car door and jumps down, almost loses a slipper sliding in the gravel. She races into the vets, hears the others mention the twins, "Can I see?"

"Sure, kids, meet Auntie Sophie!"

"Auntie? I'm not old enough to be an auntie?"

"Yes you are Sophie, age has nothing to do with it."

"Oh."

Patches assumes she's smiling as the babies are smiling back.

Joe and Laura enter, next, followed by everyone else. Laura is bent over one of the cribs, the baby touching her face.

"Happy to be called grandma now then Mum?"

"No, but I'd accept Mum's Mum."

"Mummum."

There's silence in the room. You could hear a pin drop outside the building.

"Did I just hear a first word?"

"Mummum."

"Oh you little darling!"

Patches watches the leaky human's tears land on the baby causing it to screw it's face into a funny expression and try to wipe them. "Can I hold her Mattie?"

"Sure, I've not picked either of them up yet, didn't want to risk it with my wrist."

After the babies have been introduced to the whole family Mattie is given the chance to hold them one at a time in her good arm. The babies love it. Matthew had kissed his mother. Sucked might have been a more accurate description but close enough to a kiss. He'd had a good go at saying Mum too. Leona is getting a load of kisses, holding her mothers face with both hands and giggling."

Mattie looks at Peggy, "Great or mummummum?"

Peggy chuckles, "Great thanks, the other option sounds too like nomnomnom."

Sophie giggles.

"What are we taking with us?" asks Fred.

"The cases, I better pack my makeup. You'll find some wire cages upstairs for transporting the animals."

Fred holds out one of the instruments Mattie had used to open the door. "Where did you find this?"

"There's draws of the stuff in the operating room. Loads of supplies if you want to take a quick look."

~~~

Sophie goes exploring, Mr Patches having said he'd never been to a vets. They find the x-ray machine and film. "We better not patches, my ICT teacher says electronic storage can be disrupted if the levels are too high."

"Ok. Any other fun stuff here?"

"Not that I can see."

"Boring. Let's get back to Mattie."

They find she's no longer in that room, check other rooms downstairs. The one with all the animal feed has been emptied. They find her just leaving the building.

Danny opens the doors to DC1 and presses something on the dash. Ellie Golding plays out, "Standing with an army." he gives her a salute and wink. "Ma'am. Your orders please?"

Mattie laughs, "Ouch, the drugs are wearing off. Just keep being the awesome extended family you all are. Thanks."

It was 2:53AM, the lorry and five cars all lighting the building up with their headlights.

Toby joins them with a bit of paper in his hands. "Did you see these on the outside of the front door? The planning permission paperwork says they'll be building a service station here. The vets is scheduled for demolition."

"Really? With all the four services still connected?"

"What do you mean?"

"Gas, electricity, water, broadband."

"Really?"

"Yeah, used them all."

He frowns, "Something doesn't sound right there."

"If Hobb was involved I'm not surprised."

"Guess so. He was covering his tracks. Only now they'll cover him."

"I doubt it, people normally strip a building first, they'd find him."

One of the Johnsons look up at her, then his namesake but doesn't say a word, gets on with helping Fred carry the surgical tools draw unit into the lorry.

Mattie watches as Leo walks up the lorry ramp and puts the last of the crates into the reception room. The dog whimpers.

"It's alright boy, I'm coming too."

The other Johnson turns from watching him and looks at Mattie. "You're certain there's nothing of value left in there, no other animals?"

"All the PC hard drives have been removed, there were only five animals, the two dogs and three cats."

"Good. If you can get in the lorry so Fred and Gesha can prep you. Get the lorry and all the cars about a mile away and wait for me, I'll join you in a moment."


	17. Chapter 17

Sophie is handed Leona and asked to get into the lorry reception. A few minutes later Mattie enters, sees her and Mia holding them both."How does Auntie Mia feel about her new title?"

Mia looks up and smiles, "If I could I'd look like Nis."

Mattie frowns and turns. In the corner Nis has an arm over Odi's shoulder, a smile and tears running down her cheeks.

"Awww, Auntie Nis, the upgrade's working then!"

"Yes, the tank is almost empty."

Leo offers her a tissue.

"No thanks, I want to feel them, remember this moment just as it is."

Mr Patches watches as Mattie is taken into the forward operating space. "With Fred and Gesha doing the work I feel comfortable, they're in good hands." He asks everyone if they have any pens. They're all dropped into a pile, he finds one he can pick up. "Naughts and crosses anyone?"

"Against the smartest giraffe on the planet? I think every game would be a tie or Mr Patches wins."

"Thanks Niska. What else can we do?"

"Can you draw?"

"Never tried."

Sophie props him up on the reception top, "Now's a good time to try. Were you watching when we had Chappie on again or doing your gulp thing?"

"I was watching."

"Remember when he paints?"

"Yes?"

"Do the same but with a pen."

"Okay."

After a couple of attempts he drops the pen, "The blasted thing keeps spinning on my hoof."

Danny goes through the desk draws, finds a couple of elastic bands, "When we're back to normal I could take you and Sophie to a pen shop. If you find a pen you really like I could mill a subtle semicircle groove in your hand hooves. It would stop the pen turning. For now we could wrap a band around it?"

"Okay Danny, let's try."

Danny gets Mr Patches set up and joins Toby outside for a chat.

~~~

Mr Patches has Laura giving him an absentminded head stroke as she looks at the close up of her leaning over the babies. "Mr Patches that's beautiful!! Was that really what you could see?"

"I was down at Sophie's pocket level, yes."

She leans over and kisses his head, "Thank you so much, I'll treasure it forever."

There's a loud bang in the distance, the lorry sides shake startling them all. Toby opens the outside door and races in, knocks of the inner door, "Did you hear that!"

"Yes!"

"Danny and I were chatting outside, you should have seen it! Talk about massive explosion!"

Laura looks around, "Phew, did that bang startle someone?" she calls through the door, "Did I see you bring a large pack of nappies out to the cars Leo? Matthew's filled a stinker."

Mattie chuckles, "Back of DC3 Mum, teach Sophie, she can start returning a favour!"

Mr Patches was glad Danny hadn't given him a working nose. From the expressions the others were trying to hide it was clear that it truly was a stinker.


	18. Chapter 18

Mattie steps into the kitchen and calls out, "Are you home Sophie?"

Sophie comes running, "Mattie!" every day she met her sister again was now extra special. "How's the scar?"

"A little bit sensitive, but Fred and Gesha did a great job."

Sophie remembers that the whole reason for Mattie being at the airport had been overlooked. "How was the talk in America?"

"Awesome, you can now add providing content for TED.com onto your CV. That 360 video went down well."

"What else did you do?"

~~~

"Ted, I think something's happened, she normally checks the pod quite quickly."

"Maybe, but how do we get out? The door mechanism is too heavy for either of us. Sophie only just manages it."

"Do you think Fred, Toby and Max are still playing football with Holly-Anne?"

"No idea. And if they were how would we get a signal to them? We're sat in a giant faraday cage."

Patches turns to see his brother, "A what?"

"Do a sear.. Oh we can't, no WiFi. We really need to get that hub's ADSL line fixed."

"Why did it go down?"

"The dogs were digging Joe said."

"So this is really it? Time to power down?"

Ted thinks for a moment, "I have a plan B."

"Let's hear it."

"We take turns to GULP. Two hour timer. We WOL each other. That should double the time we can get out of our remaining charge."

"To do that we need a net.. Aha! Great plan! The hub in here is still working, just can't get to the internet. Awesome plan B Ted!"

"Thanks little brother. Who's going to power down first?"

"It was your idea, you can go first. Two hour timer set, talk to you soon."

Patches watches a moth looping around the one light up at the ceiling and opts to keep audio open, the lowest bit rate he had, time for a nap. With no chair about he sat on his brothers leg instead and went to sleep.

~~~

"Ted? Are you awake?"

"You heard my power up sound didn't you? What are you so excited about?"

"I've had an idea. Like one of Mattie's roosters!"

"Really? What is it?"

"Can you remap your IO pins like me?"

"Yes but .."

"Then it will work. All we need to do is turn our audio gain right up, have it mapped to a pin that will trigger an interrupt. That interrupt can be linked to a thought. All we need to do is think of nothing, let our CPU scale right down. No processing audio, just letting a noise make us think again."

"Bloody hell Patches! That's a rooster for sure. Want me to try it?"

"Sure, let's do a test. You super gulp, I'll wait a moment then bang my hooves together."

Patches waits a couple of minutes, then powers his magnets up so his hooves bang together a little harder.

Teddy turns, "Awesome! My CPU clock rate dropped so low my battery drain hardly registered! We could go for AGES like this! My Dan Patches you are clever!"

"Thanks, my turn to power off, see you soon."

~~~

There's a metal on metal creaking as the door to the pod is opened, Sophie rushes in and gets on her knees, "I'M SO SORRY! Are you okay?"

Mr Patches is coming out of his super low power mode, flexes his arms ever so slightly.

"Sophie! You found us!". He sends a WOL to his brother to wake up.

She picks them both up. "Are you both okay?"

Mr Patches nods, "We sat here on the lowest power possible totally still to make our charge last. I'm at five percent." the power up sound finishes. "Charge level Ted?"

"I'm at four."

Sophie rushes to her room to get them both on charge, "I'm so so sorry, I don't know how I forgot, do you forgive me?"

"Of course, it's not like you did it deliberately."

"Thanks Ted."

"What he said."

"Thanks Patches."

"Who was that man?"

"George? He's someone Mattie and Leo helped fix."

"Fix? He's a synthetic?"

"Yes, sort of." She sits them down at their charging points and flops onto her bed, "What a dummkopf I was!"

Mr Patches shakes his, "Forgetful maybe, dumb, never."


	19. Chapter 19

Sophie hears a car pull into the drive, goes to the window to see who it is, then races to the door, "Mattie's back."

She stands at the door as her big sister gets the Slate from the passenger seat and then heads towards the house with a nice smile for her.

"Teeny, can I do a patch upgrade on Mr Patches?"

"Hello Mattie, why?"

"I've got some code that will help the four recall facts faster. And he needs it the most. Maybe not always faster but more efficiently."

"Is it risky?"

"We've got a backup done just in case."

"Okay then."

"Where is he?"

"With Ted."

"And where's Ted?"

"No idea."

The sisters go on a hunt and find them camped under one of the beds upstairs in what used to be Sophie's room, Sophie having moved into Mattie's.

"What are you doing under there?"

"Playing music."

"What music?"

"We found an old MP3 player."

"Where?"

"In a box in the garage."

Mattie crawls in under the bed to see them each holding half of a broken set of headphones, "Can I see?"

Ted picks the player up and shows it to her.

"Frigging hell. I wondered what happened to that, my old Sansa mp3 player."

Sophie comes racing in on her elbows like a Navy seal. "What's on it?"

"No idea, I've not used it for years. Dad used to have it connected to the car stereo through one of those fake cassette tape things."

"A what?"

"Before your time Teeny."

"Oh."

"Dad turned a load of his old CD into mp3 files. He used to play it when we went on long car rides. He gave it to me when he got his first iPhone."

"Like we have DC2 play music now?"

"A bit, but you couldn't put everything you had on one of these, they didn't have the storage. And you couldn't talk to them and ask them to change track."

"So what's on there Ted?"

"David Bowie, Fashion."

"I remember it playing, one of Mums tracks maybe, I wasn't born when it came out."

Mr Patches does a search, "1980."

"Frigging hell, I would have been like, what, minus eighteen!"

"Gary Newman, Cars."

Mr Patches does a search and the maths, "Minus nineteen."

"New Order, Blue Monday"

"1983, minus fifteen."

"David Bowie, China Girl"

"Same."

"Busta Rhymes, Gimme Some More."

"1998 Zero."

"Where the frigging hell did that come from? I was born around then. I don't remember hearing that in the car?"

"Gwen Stefani, Bubble Pop Electric."

"2004, six."

"I didn't understand the words.. but that was mine I think."

"Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

"2005, Seven."

"Now that was mine."

"Daft Punk, Around the World."

"1997, minus one."

"I wasn't even born when that came out. And now I love them."

"Peter Gabriel, Big Time."

Cool, Peter, Dad must have put that on there."

"1986. Minus twelve."

"Beats International, Dub Be Good To Me."

"1990, minus eight. Defo one of Mums."

"Seal, Crazy."

"1991, minis seven."

"I think that was one of Mums."

"Prodigy, Firestarter."

"Ha! No need to look that up, DEFINITELY one of Dads!"

"Christina Aguilere - Can't Hold Us Down."

"2002, Four."

"I didn't understand the words to that either but I know I loved the feel of the song."

"Evanescence, Bring Me To Life."

Before Patches can say anything she puts a hand up, "Don't tell me, 2003, five right?"

"How did you know Mattie?"

"A load of my friends and I would sing it in the playground at school. The chorus at least."

"Why?"

"I'm not really sure what started it. It would be a good song for Leo, I wonder if he got to listen to much music then?"

"The Streets, Fit But You Know It."

"2004.."

"Knew that one! We all learnt all the words to that one!"

"Why Mattie?"

"It's just one of those songs. A bit silly and fun."

"Can I listen?"

"Sure Teeny. Guys, can you hold the speakers out and crank the volume up?"

Ted passes it to Mattie, "It might be easier for you, the other controls I can do, but volume is fiddly."

With the volume up in the otherwise quiet room they listen to the track in full. 

Sophie wriggles out from under the bed backwards, "Pause it, I'll be right back."

Mattie does so, gives Ted and Mr Patches a shrug. "So what have you been learning from this?"

"What types of music your family members liked and when."

"And you patches, what have you learnt?"

"Me Mattie? I've learnt that listening to music can be an enjoyable shared experience. And that music can trigger the recollection of other memories."

"Really? I trust you on the enjoyment side, somehow you're a little different to the others."

"Yes, when I hear the track again in the future I'll think of all the linked information in my fact store."

"Which is?"

Sophie crawls back under with her iPad, Garage band app open.

"Listening to the player with my brother Ted, being joined by you both, learning that you used to listen to music with your parents, music can bring back happy memories."

"How do you know that?"

"You smiled a lot when Ted said some of the track names."

"Such as?"

"China girl."

Sophie taps her app a few times, "Can you play that last one again for a few seconds? .. Thanks." she picks a synth and taps out the tune, hits play. "There. It's easy, most of the music is just a loop of the same few notes. We could flip the gender."

"Do what?"

"Make it about a girl checking out a boy."

"Why?"

"Then you could sing it to Leo, just for a giggle at our next get together."

"We could have a song party. You love a party."

"So do you."

"Awesome, I'll suggest it to Dan, songs instead of a film."

"Can we perform Mattie?"

"You want to perform Patches?"

"Why not?"

"Um. Because your so small?"

"Did that ever stop Teeny?"

"No."

"Good, leave it with us to come up with a track."

Sophie looks at the calendar on the iPad, "When Mattie?"

"Next Friday night?"

"Cool. That gives everyone a good few days to practice."

"Before you do, how would you feel about a quick upgrade, run a new patch I've created?"

"Another me?"

"No, a patch, it's a bit of code to make you better than you are now."

"Why is it called a patch?"

"When they were first used it was to fix bugs. Like a band aid. Fixing holes in code."

"So you're not fixing a bug?"

"Well... I sort of am."

"They're something wrong with me?"

"It's not bad, but all of you have it. I wanted to fix you first."

"Why?"

"Why to which part?"

"Both."

Mattie sighs, "This conversation could get interesting. Okay, you know you both run a cut down version of X1's code right?"

"Yes?"

"Well to shrink the code base we had to simplify some code.."

"You're saying I'm simple?"

Mattie heard genuine hurt in his voice. "No, no, a bad choice of words on my part, you're far from it. How can I explain this, um, we used more elegant programming."

"So I'm elegant not simple? Now I'm confused."

Sophie looks at her sister, "That makes two of us."

"Okay, rewind. Can you search for the Sinclair ZX80 home computer?"

"Sure."

Sophie does the same on her iPad as does Mattie on her phone.

"It was brought out in 1980, long before I was born."

"David Bowie, Fashion time."

"Exactly! It had a memory of 1KB, expandable to 16KB max. That's Kilobytes. Tiny tiny amounts. The CPU. was a Z80 running at 3.25MHz. You run thousands of times faster, on a multi-core CPU with buckets more memory. And storage. But back then, so my ICT teacher said, programmers used every byte wisely. They programmed in machine code. These days a lot program in a highly abstracted general language that can be compiled to run on any system. People got lazy, sloppy. A program needs more resources? Upgrade the hardware. Just ask Toby with some of his more bloat-ware games. If you had a really good compiler that did the best optimisations possible you could cut the code size down a bit. But X1's code was MASSIVE. He runs with so many CPU and huge batteries it wasn't an issue for his makers. But you guys aren't brutes like the original X1 was. You're smaller. Instead of hundreds of lines of inefficient code that make the programmers life easier we used fewer lines of more elegant coding. It's harder to work on, but it gives you a lot of X1 had with less resources."

"Why the need for a patch?"

"Your fact retrieval code has an issue, sometimes it can get into a loop, when the timer fires you might not have got all the good facts you should."

"And this will improve it?"

"Yes, from the testing I've done I'm quite sure."

Mr Patches does a little arm flap, the closest he had to a shrug, and talks chirpily, "Okay then. How long will it take?"

"Seconds to upload, then you just need to HUP your retrieve process. Part of the change adds weight to the info node links. They'll populate over time. But the new code will help as soon as your fact store has been updated for spanning tree."

"How long will that take?"

"A good question. I don't know."

Mr Patches looks at Ted, Sophie then Mattie, the whine of his servos quite noticeable. "Are we getting our own Tree of Life? A little Gift?"

"It's not exactly like Leo's code but you could call it that."

"Can you do it now?"

"If Sophie lends me her iPad."


	20. Chapter 20

Mattie has her chin resting on her hands, Sophie copying her.

"Mattie, do you think he's okay?"

"I hope so Teeny. When I tested the code out I only used a small fact store, I should have used a much bigger data set and got some timings to use as a guideline. Patches runs on a different CPU type so it wouldn't have been that accurate but it would have given us a clue."

Ted looks from his brother to the sisters, "But he'll be okay, won't he?"

"Eventually."

The sisters fall asleep under the bed waiting for the process to finish. Ted super gulps as his little brother had nicknamed it. Not quite two hours later he ramps up CPU as Patches had spoken. 'Ask me anything!'.

"Mattie, Sophie! He's AWAKE!"

Mattie bangs the back of her head on the underside of the bed having forgotten just how limited the space was. "Ouch! For frig's sake!" she rubs it, trying to help the pain fade. "Teeny, wake up, Mr Patches is awake."

"Hmmm."

"Teeny wake up!"

"Huh?"

"Mr Patches is awake."

Sophie turns her head sideways and back and looks at the little robot. "How long did it take?"

"One hour fifty four minutes and three.."

"An approximation is fine Ted, thanks."

"Ok."

"Ask me anything!"

Mattie frowns, "Mr P, you sound much more excited than normal?"

"I am! Go on, ask me something."

Mattie looks at her sister and frowns. "Such as?"

"Anything!"

Sophie grins, "Why is the sky blue?"

"Blue light is scattered in all directions by the tiny molecules of air in Earth's atmosphere. Ask me another."

Sophie smiles, "That was fast! Okay, Mattie has a favourite red.."

Mr Patches cuts in, "Red mug, most commonly holding a strong coffee but on rare occasions it holds a Lemsip because she's got a cold, most likely from getting a chill. The text on the mug says 'Keep calm and stay badass."

Mattie gives her sister one of her eyebrows up eyes wide open looks of astonishment. "Blimey. Okay, here's one. Emily buys nineteen pairs of shoes, returns two and buys five more how many has.."

"Still not enough. I was riding in Sophie's coat pocket when you looked at that card, trying to find one for Toby's birthday."

"Frigging awesome! It was the related facts I wanted to hear."

The sisters go on to ask many more questions, all answered quickly with no perceivable hesitation. Many answered before the question is even finished.

There's the sound of someone running up the stairs and a laugh, "There you are! We wondered where you got to. What are you doing under the bed?"

"Hi Leo, we did the fact store spanning tree upgrade on.."

"On me and I feel GREAT!"

Leo gets to his hands and knees then down onto the floor to wriggle under the bed. Sophie moves sideways a little to let him in. "You do?"

"Yes! Ask me a question!"

"What's your charge level like?"

"Currently low, ten point three percent, the fact store conversion must have been running flat out as my drain profile and conversion duration match the drop I'd have predicted."

"Maximum charge poss.."

"25600mAh full charge theoretically. The charger circuit tends to stop providing current a little bit before that. I compensate and call it one hundred percent. Ask me another."

"Why is the sky.."

"Blue? We've done that one."

"Okay, grass gr.."

"Easy. Chlorophyll. Many plants produce the pigment. It absorbs the high energy, short wavelength blue light and low energy, longer wavelength red light, reflects mostly green light, which is why your lawn looks so nice."

Leo frowns, looks at Mattie, Sophie, back to Patches, "Nice? You think it looks nice?"

"I do. So much better than next door's paved over garden."

Leo laughs, "If you say so. Mattie, that feels code is still disabled right?"

"Yeah, still disabled."

"Then how.."

"I just AM! If I had the ability to I'd be grinning now I would."

Leo goes on to ask a load more questions, only one Mr Patches can't answer.

"If you want to know why Max smiles so much I really am the wrong person to ask. You should ask him, not me."

"You have some ideas though?"

"I do have one. He's really happy. Just to be alive."

Mattie chuckles, "Well I think the test was a pass, you pass with full marks."

"Do I get a gold star like Sophie gets from her teachers?"

Sophie nods, "Yes, I'll make you a special one."

"Thanks!"

"Can I have the update please?"

"Sure Ted, but can we all get out from under the bed first?"


	21. Chapter 21

Mattie and Sophie are in the auditorium getting things ready for the evening, watched by the front row; Ted, Mr Patches, Leona and Matthew. Mattie is sticking cables to the stage floor, Sophie holding them down before taping.

"How come the tape is so strong but you can rip bits off easily?" 

Mattie gets a bit off and hands it to her. "The roadies in New York showed me this tape. Look closely at the sticky side. Do you see the mesh of very thin threads? When you pull on the tape the load is spread across them, giving it strength. But when you rip it you're breaking the threads one by one."

"So strength in numbers, like our family?"

"Yeah, you could think of it like that."

The door at the left opens, Mattie hears it but has her back to it. "Did you bring more tape Dan?"

Sophie looks up, whispers to Mattie, "It's not Danny, it's *that* police man."

Mattie turns to see him, gets up. "Hi?"

"Doctor Elster-Hawkins, sorry to disturb you, I was told I could find you here." he takes his cap off. "I have a favour to ask."

"Of me?"

The man is literally cap in hand, turning it by it's rim around and around, clearly nervous, possibly not aware of the massive tell he was showing. Advantage Mattie. New balls please!

"I'd like you to talk to DI Voss and DS Drummond for me. Please."

"Why?"

He closes his eyes and breathes in then out slowly, then opens them. Clear signs of stress. "I've made a lot of mistakes, way more than a man in my position should be allowed to. Voss and Drummond's replacements are a bunch of incompetent halfwits in comparison. Synth crime is back on the rise, someone doing illegal mods, synth unit theft is rising too. I need them back, if only to show the others how it's done properly."

Mattie gives the man a slight squint, nothing was giving her grounds to distrust him today. Sure he'd been an arse when influenced by Hobb, but his manor and voice said he was eating a lot of humble pie to come to her in this way.

"You've tried contacting them yourself?"

"None of the numbers we have for them work anymore. Force issued phones."

"I see. It's five hours behind in Antigua, we could try them now?"

"Antigua? They're on holiday?"

"No, they .. they're part of a group of crime fighting super heroes."

The man laughs, "DS Drummond a super hero? Next you'll be telling me they wear capes and masks!"

Mattie does her deadly serious face, "Of course not. That would be silly wouldn't it?" The mans smile fades, "The Visionary is the one who wears a cape."

"The who?"

"If you're polite and don't mock them you might find out."

Mr Patches turns to his brother, talks in a hushed voice, "Quite an interesting interaction going on there. It's like we're at the theatre watching a play. How do you think it will end?"

"The man dressed in black dies and everyone else lives happily ever after?"

"That's a bit dark!"

"Most plays are."

"Are they? How many have you been to?"

"So far?"

"Yes."

"None."

"So how.."

"Find some scripts online.. You'll see."

Mattie gets her phone out and switches to the app, starts a video call.

"Hi Mattie!"

"Hi Pete, how's things?"

"Brilliant, but hot, unbearably hot. Peak season time."

"I've got someone with me that would like a word. I've already seen him eat a load of humble pie, so give him a moment to talk first."

"Pie? I know who that will be. Put the.. put him on."

"DS Drummond.."

"DS? Since when? Karen and I left the force, not exactly on the best of terms.."

"Pete! I fucked up. I let people in power overrule my better judgement. Synth crime is on the rise again. Thanks to Leo's gift we're having to classify some as kidnappings rather than theft."

"And you want our help how?"

"The force needs you back. If only to show the new lot how to do the job properly."

"We come as a pair. Both or neither. And on our terms."

"Name them."

"You pay us a salary that lets us jointly buy a decent house not rent a tiny flat.."

"I'm not.."

"I'm not finished. And we spend six months in the UK, six in Antigua. You pay our salaries for the whole year. We'd spend the UK summer with you."

"I don't think we can stretch to .."

"Then this call ends now, nice talking to.."

"Wait! You clearly don't need me, but I need you. I'll have to get creative with the accountants but we can probably do something."

"When would you want to start?"

"This month?"

"I'll have to talk to the governor, let him know your plans. And Karen, like I said, we come as a pair. She's been way better with the heat. Made of stronger stuff."

"What do you mean?"

There's the sound of a text message coming in at Pete's end.

"Oh... Only that as a kid she had plenty holiday's abroad in the heat. Got used to it I guess. My parents would stay in a caravan in a field near Brighton surrounded by cow pats. My highlight would be going to the peer and getting a bag of chips. I like it warm, not roasting."

Mattie and the commissioner watch as The Visionary comes into view.

"Who owns the weird looking dolly Pete?"

"You need to learn some respect, like I did. Nobody OWNS him, other than himself."

"He's fully sen.."

"Yes. Vis, say hello to my former boss and potential new boss."

The Visionary flexes to look as wide and menacing as possible. "Hello. Nice to put a face to the name. If Pete and Karen take the job treat them well. You don't want me visiting, things can get broken."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, just a warning. Some of the locals here nicknamed me Karma. I pay back on it's behalf."

Ted turns to Patches, "See! Did you hear that?" he knocks his paws together.

Pete smiles, "Don't mind him. We don't kill anyone, but the police out here don't mind the odd crook getting roughed up, it helps send a message to the others. Don't mess with Atom Elite."

Patches replies to Teds comment. "Don't kill, bad luck."

The commissioner is looking back and forth between the sisters and the phone, "Who?"

"I'll let Mattie explain. Got to go, I'm needed elsewhere. Get Mattie to message us when you've spoken to accounts." the call ends.

Mr Patches turns to Ted again, "No deaths yet. Unless Mattie or Sophie electrocute him or strangle him with mains or audio cables I think he'll get away okay."

"Boring!" they watch as the man turns, get's his foot caught in a cable the sisters were yet to tape down and goes flying. He manages to get his feet under him and regain balance, just. "Good timing from him, we almost had some excitement there Patches!"

Patches just shakes his head a little and keeps his thoughts to himself.


	22. Chapter 22

Danny is the MC for the evening, sporting a set of mirror shades and sparkly jacket, "We're starting with Mattie and Sophie singing The Streets, Fit But You Know It. I'm told it's a tongue in cheek adaptation for you Leo, you're required on stage."

Leo looks around, has his hands on the seat arm rests and is half out of chair unsure if he should sit back down or go to the stage.

Mr Patches had seen rehearsals in Sophie's room, "Come on Leo, be a sport."

Leo throws a glance around the group, gets a nod from Mia and head motion towards the stage, "What's the worst that can happen, I die of embarrassment?"

"Pretend you're an actor, play the part."

"And what part are you playing Mr P?"

"The Big Friendly Giant."

Leo laughs, rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "Okay, I'll do my best if it will make you happy."

Sophie sits on a bar stool with her iPad and taps once to start the loop.

~~~

"Excuse me boy, I know it's a bit embarrassing but I just noticed some tan lines on your shirt."

Leo does an exaggerated inspection, shrugs to the audience to say where?

"See I reckon you're about an 8 or a 9,

Maybe even 9 and a half in four beers time."

Danny had rushed on stage and run in an arc, handed Mattie an open bottle of lager and got off fast.

"That blue Top Shop top you've got on IS nice, bit too much fake tan though, but yeah you score high. But there's just one little thing that really really really really annoying me about you you see," Mattie steps really close, smiles and rubs up against him, "Yeah yeah like I said you are really fit but my gosh don't you just know it! I'm not trying to pull you even though I would like to I think you are really fit, you're fit but my gosh don't you know it."

She backs off a little, "So when I looked at you standing there with your hoard, I was waiting in the queue looking at the board, wondering whether to have a burger or chips or what the shrapnel in my back pocket could afford," she pulls a few coins from her pocket, "when I noticed out the corner of my eye looking toward my direction, your eyes locked onto my course. I couldn't concentrate on what I wanted to order, which cost me my place in the queue I waited for YEAH."

She loosens a couple of buttons of his shirt and slips a hand in half way, "I'm not trying to pull you even though I would like to I think you are really fit, you're fit but my gosh don't you know it."

She jumps back and flicks her hair to the other side, pulls a fake spliff from the other pocket, "Whoa! Leave it out, are you smoking crack or something?" she jumps back and forth playing three different characters, "Leave it out, Matts just leave it just leave it."

"We cannot have that behaviour in this establishment."

"S'not worth it Matts, just leave it."

"Don't Touch Me, S'not Worth It. Don't Touch Me, D, Look I'm Alright. Don't Touch me."

They both have a bit of a laugh at her performance, are laughing too much for Mattie to sing the next few lines. She manages the next verse but then gets the giggles again, has to call to Sophie to stop. "Sorry, it was a fun idea but if Leo keeps making flirtatious faces like that I'M going to be the one dying of embarrassment after emptying my bladder. I promise to do something better next time."


	23. Chapter 23

The door at the far left opens, "Sorry, we're late!" a lady steps in, "the traffic was insane!"

"Alana! Frigging hell! What are you doing here? Awesome to see you!"

"Danny called us, we've been recording at Peter's RealWorld studios, fancied a trip this way."

"Awesome! Not sure if I should be glad or sad you just missed the opening song. I made a bit of a dogs dinner of it."

"Shame. The boys will be here in a moment, had to take a call. It sounded like a fun thing to do."

"Really? Dan and Joe?"

"Peter too."

"Frigging hell! AWESOME!"

~~~

Danny gets to the front of the stage, "We now have George, Odi, Max and Fred doing Kraftwerk's The Robots."

George is performing the lead role, the others also doing a great job of acting robotic, playing their synthesisers.

Ted turns to his brother, "Are they playing synths synths?"

Mr Patches nods, "Nice one Ted, enjoying things?"

"I am, yes, thank you."

"Really?"

"Since the code fix, yes. Did you ever do searches on your fact store and feel there were things missing? Things you were sure you knew but couldn't recall?"

"You had that too?"

"Yes, had being the right word, I don't get that now."

"Me neither."

They watch the four keyboard players some more.

Patches turns to watch a lady, feels a wave of happiness just because she looks happy. He leans towards Ted, "The lady that was sitting next to George, what was her name?"

"Isobel."

"Where did he meet her?"

"In a film."

"You mean at a film?"

"No, in a film."

"How can you meet someone in a film?"

"No idea Patches. They had a film night in here ages ago. She was in it. Sort of. It's all rather confusing. My fact store gets in knots when I try and link everything together."

"Are they the ones with the pimped up bikes?"

"Yes, that's them. George has a car too, although they spend most of their time on the bikes."

"Ah! Now I've got some facts linking. They were supposed to be doing a world tour."

"They are Patches. It's like one of those infinity symbols or the number eight. It keeps looping through the UK. They are seeing a lot of the world but can't let go of their link to home and family for long."

"Family is important."

"Especially to this lot Patches."

"The extended family as Mattie calls it is growing. Isn't Alana a pop star or something?"

"Yes, but she's still human, still needs family and friends like the rest."

Patches looks at her again, "Isobel's very pretty. And it looks like she really loves him."

"She does."

He watches her for a while, listening to the music, turns to Ted when Peter, Dan and Joe enter towards the middle of the performance. "Which is which? When I search for Dan or Joe all the results returned show both of them or them either side of Alana."

"He's the one on the left."

"Which he?"

"The left one."

"Oh. Hang on. The left one is which one?"

"Not the right one."

"Right as in left and right or right and wrong?"

"Both."

"So the one on the left is not the right one nor the right one?"

"Correct!"

"And his name is?"

"No idea!"

"Are you messing around?"

"Yes. Fun isn't it!"

Mr Patches does a good laugh and turns to Ted, "Crikey! I just did a proper LOL!"

"Sweet Bro!"

The four musicians get some whistles from the ladies when their tune is done.

~~~

Danny rushes to the stage, almost trips and narrowly avoids taking one of the keyboards out. "Too keen, must slow down! Next up is our amazing Fred!"

Fred takes the stage and is joined by Toby with an electric guitar, Sophie with her iPad. "I did a search through many thousands of songs, this in part reminds me of Max, when I'd misread Gesha's initial reaction to my brother, also because part sounds close to organ music."

Joe calls out, "What are you playing?"

"Here's a few notes a couple of seconds into the intro, see if you can guess it."

Four notes sound out. 

"Ha! Genesis, Abacab. Superb!" Joe has a massive grin on his face.

Mattie laughs, "I thought you were a punk?"

"It didn't stop me from liking other music Matts. Come of then kids, give us your tune."

~~~

Emily gets them all laughing with her version of Barbie Girl, Danny playing her Ken.

Patches turns to Ted, "So that's why Danny is wearing the sparkly jacket. He's in character."

They both get an applause, Laura stands and heads to the stage.

"What are you singing Mum?"

"It's a surprise Matts."

Laura doesn't announce her song, just gets to the stage and waits for Fred to join her at the keyboard. He gets ready and nods.

The start of the song isn't words, it has many looking puzzled. Mr Patches finds it strangely haunting but beautiful.

"Pray God you can cope. I stand outside this woman's work, this woman's world. 

Ooh, it's hard on the man, now his part is over. Now starts the craft of the father. 

I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left."

Laura breaks eye contact with them all, struggling not to cry herself.

Mattie has tears streaming down her face, wipes a runny nose on the back of her hand.

Leo reaches into a pocket and passes her a clean hanky.

Mattie talks in a whisper, "I think my emotion chip just broke."

"We don't have an emotion chip. And you're a fab."

"I know, it's just a saying."

They were the only words said by the audience until Laura manages to finish.

She wipes her face. "For those that don't know the song it was by Kate Bush, This Woman's Work. And before you ask kids I didn't sing it because of your father and I's relationship hick-up, the firm had a lovely couple as clients for many years, the husband recently lost his wife. One of the team mentioned the song, it broke our hearts."

"Is that what it's about?"

"A man loosing his wife, we think so, that's what the video implies."

"It broke George's." A number of them turn to see Isobel, she clearly had the mod, her face wet with tears. "George accidentally broadcast his feelings about losing Mary his first wife, I've shed a tear on his behalf."

Mattie watches them link fingers and squeeze. Leo pulls another hanky from his pocket and hands it to Mattie to pass on.

She does so, "How many have you got?"

"A few."

"Why?"

"Just a little something I learnt from The Intern."

"Huh?"

"Men should carry hankies for the ladies."

"Oh, right, I remember that bit, you're talking about the film."

"Yes. And we should have them initialed so the lady knows who to return it to."

"The film didn't mention that did it?"

"No, I worked that bit out myself."

"Love you shark boy!"

"Love you too Meh."

Mr Patches filed a whole bunch of new facts and ideas away.


	24. Chapter 24

Danny's back on the stage, "So who's up next?"

"We are! With a bit of help from some of you."

Mattie looks around, "Where the frig are you Patches?"

"Down here!"

"Where's 'here'?"

Mattie sees Niska bend down, "Don't worry, I've got them."

She places them on a keyboard each.

"Ted and I are playing live via MIDI interfaces on account of not being able to reach all the keys. Sophie will understand all the words, it's Trio's Da da da."

The whole family are joining in on the Da da da bit, Sophie on some of the German words. Patches is rocking from side to side, loving the fact that they allow him to just fit in like everyone else.

No sooner has the music stopped the family give them a round of applause, Mattie whispers into Leo's ear, "I swear that Patches is somehow sentient. There's too many feels for just our code."

Leo nods, "I think you could be right. Good for him, worrying in other ways."

"What do you mean?"

"What if DC1 was taking us to the airport and suddenly decides it wants to visit Scotland?"

"Ha, yeah, that would be frigging inconvenient. .. I'd ask to be dropped off first then wish it a nice trip."

"Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Um, don't know. It's not a scenario I've given much thought to. How would it refuel?"

"No idea. It would have to work something out."

Leo frowns, "Like what?"

"I don't know. Give free rides like a taxi if people can help it top up fuel or charge first."

~~~

They watch Niska take the stage, supported by Sophie, Fred and Max.

"I'm singing Atomic by Blondie."

Mr Patches hadn't heard the track before but really liked it. Niska was doing a great job, really moving around well to the song. He thought about how he could do with a few more moving parts, the ability to flex in a few more ways. When Nis finishes he bangs his hooves on the floor as noisily as he can, "Bravo! Bravo!"

"You liked that Patches?"

"Like? No, no. LOVED!"

Niska looks towards Mattie and Leo, gets a shrug from them both.

~~~

Danny jumps onto the stage, "Next up we have Sophie with a song called Family."

She's on stage alone, backing music playing from her iPad. Mia and Laura each have their hands together as if praying, held up by their necks, transfixed. The whole family sit in silence savouring every note and word.

Laura wipes a tear, "That was beautiful! Who was it by?"

Sophie looks up at her big sister for guidance.

"Guys, before Teeny says you have to promise to keep it secret, she'll get into a lot of trouble if anyone talks before it's in the charts." she gets confirmation from everyone.

"So it's not even released yet?"

"No mum."

Mia looks at Laura then Sophie, "So who's it by?"

"Me. For the opening sound track to the next Toy Story movie. Nice surprise?"

Laura gets up and rushes to her daughter, tears flowing "It's a lovely surprise, so proud of you potato!"

Mr Patches turns to his brother, "Do you know why she just called Sophie a vegetable?"

"Sorry bro, no idea. I know why Mia calls her little mouse or dolphin, but potato eludes me."

Patches does a quick Internet search, "Eludes. I like that one, it's got a lovely sound. Now in my dictionary, thanks."

"You're welcome. Mind how you go adding words, the humans made up a LOT of them, some hardly used now and sound rubbish. No point filling your head with junk."

"Good advice, thanks."


	25. Chapter 25

Silas and Sandra get to the stage, Silas holds his microphone up, "I know I'm a bit of a git at times, not the politest by a long way. And some of you I think I'll go back to my old ways, please believe me when I say the old Silas is gone. I'll never be doing a Sonny."

"Sony, as in Dad's old Walkman?"

"No Sophie, as in with Cher." he gives Toby a nod, they start singing. I Got You Babe. The extended family and guests watched politely as the couple gazed into each others eyes. Sandra was great, Silas not so good. But his emotions were there, even if the pitch was off.

"Well done, very good, full of emotion."

"Thanks Mia, I know you're just saying that."

"When have you known me to tell something untrue?"

"Never, but I know you can joke."

"Well I'd not recommend you gave up your day job to pursue a pop career, but it was full of emotion and sounded genuine."

"Thanks doll."

~~~

Danny looks around the group, "Right, who's not had a go yet, Peggy, did you have something for us?"

"Sorry Daniel, I started working on one but I used to sing it with Ben. I get too upset now, I don't think I'd make the chorus."

"Okay, thanks for considering it. Alana, your face tells me you want a go, what are you doing?"

"Pia Mia, Do it again."

Mr Patches walks up to the stage edge, "I know that one, it's still played on the radio. I love it!"

"Hang on guys." she walks to the edge and jumps down, the stage was only two feet high. "Come up on stage with me then."

Mr Patches gets the most personal performance he could, sat on the palm of Alana Watson who gazed into his eyes the whole song. When the performance is over he flops backwards, limbs limp, "I've died and gone to heaven!"

Alana giggles, "You're cute, and funny for a toy, almost as cute as some of the babies I help deliver."

"Toy? He's not a toy! He's my brother! He's ... He's ... Feck it HE'S A FUCKING HERO!"

"TED!"

"Well he is Mattie, HE SAVED MY LIFE!"

"How?"

"In Danny's kitchen."

"So that's why Mum brought you into my bedroom and shouted 'keep them out of the bloody kitchen'. The old house did have a small kitchen, she hated anyone messing it up."

"He. Saved. My. LIFE!"

"Alright Ted, keep your lid on!"

"But Sophie she called him a TOY!"

Mattie shakes her head, "Sorry Alana, they get a bit tetchy, it's like calling Niska or Mia a dolly, the derogative word for a synth."

"Oh, so sorry, you're cute for a .." she looks at Mattie, watches her mouth a few words, ".. smart little robot."

"Thanks! Will you marry me?"

Alana laughs, then sighs, "Sorry, I would if I could, but my heart is already promised to another."

Mr Patches makes a sigh noise himself, "Well if it doesn't work out I'll be here for you."

"Thank you."

"So who is the lucky person?"

"Dan."

"But he's going out with Emily!"

"Not YOUR Dan, MY Dan."

"Oh." Mr Patches looks sideways and sees Dan give him a wave.

"Ah. A little embarrassing. You said delivering babies. But you're a singer?"

"I have two jobs."

"Is that even allowed?"

"Of course. You can have as many jobs as you want as long as there's no conflict of interest."

"So I can be security giraffe, adventurer AND musician if I want?"

"As long as one doesn't stop you doing the other more important one, yes."

"Excellent! Can you put me down now please?"

"Certainly."

Alana lowers him to the stage. He runs towards the back a little, turns, runs for the stage edge and jumps. There's a gasp from Sophie then sigh of relief as he lands on her jacket on the floor.

"Was that fun Patches?"

"Awesome Sophie, really awesome! And the jump, that was easy, it's just a calculation taking into account mass, gravity, acceleration, desired trajectory. I'm good at working those out. The first two are constants so I've always got that product already calculated."

Danny looks around the room, "That was a bit .. different. Lovely performance guys, Alana. Who wants to go next?"

Odi raises his hand, "Me please!"

"Come on up then."

Toby gets up and picks up the bass guitar, Sophie plugs her iPad in and puts it on the stand, Fred gets behind the keyboard.

Odi gets up close to the microphone, "A lot of you think I'm a bit of a square. Hopefully this will help break that impression. Joe, you might know this one, ready Toby?"

Toby plays the first three notes, Joe puts two fists in the air, "Classic! Stranglers Peaches!"

Laura chuckles, exchanges glances with Mattie and Mia.

Toby nods and starts again.

Patches watches Niska, George and Isobel for a bit, sees the admiration in their expressions, not fixed like his. Everyone is moving to the music, Joe looks the most animated. Mr Patches uses the metal foot treads at the edge of each step to get up to the third row and watches Joe tapping his feet to the music. He see's him clapping his palms gently on his legs. The foot tapping looked to be following Sophie's drumming, the clapping the bass notes from Toby's guitar. Interesting. He was suddenly aware of what he himself was doing. That being the running of the audio through a fast fourier transform to break it down into the component parts. Was that what humans did? And if so how? They had a bunch of stuff they called the brain, consistency of cold porridge and full of something called a neuron. How they managed to get out of bed and get dressed let alone do all the amazing things they did was a mystery. How did they boot? How big was their fact store? Who gave them their root code? The song finishes, he runs down to the floor as fast as his servos will allow, "I loved that Odi! Well done!"

Odi frowns at the little robot. "Thanks."

"You're welcome! So not square."

"I'm glad you think that."

"Did you pick the song because of Niska?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Peach shapes."

"You've understood the song then. I may have done."

Mr Patches watches Odi's expression change, an oh so subtle smile, he was holding back a grin. He spins on one hoof to see Niska looking lovingly at Odi. Smiles.

Danny looks around the group, "Time for one more I think? We'll do another one of these soon, so family can save their performance until next time, unless their itching to go now." he looks at Peter, "How about you sir? I know you like doing covers. Got anything for us?"

Peter nods, "I do have something up my sleeve as it happens."

The audience watch Joe and Dan get back on stage, then Alana. Then finally Peter. "A little bird told me you like this track Mattie and Leo. It's Coldplay's Hymn for the weekend."

To say Mattie squealed with delight was an understatement. Mr Patches made up his mind. He wanted an upgrade. Something little. The ability to smile under his control, not have a fixed expression stitched onto his face. Hearing the human so excited made him feel excited too. He's then surprised to see Mattie stand in front of the stage and start dancing, soon joined by Sophie, then Mia, Leo, Nis, Gesha and Cindy. Before the song is out everyone had joined in. "I think it best we stay here Ted, we might get trodden on otherwise."

"With you there bro, we don't want to get one of Niska's stiletto heals through us, that would be nasty!"

"True, have you seen Mia's there even more pointed."

"No, where is .. Oh my. They're little robot killers. We need a way to get out safe."

"We stay right where we are until they stop is my suggestion."

"A good one."

Performances over Matthew and Leona stand with arms outstretched. Mattie bends to pick them both up, "You're both getting heavy, let Daddy have a cuddle Leona." she passes her daughter on then spots Mr Patches with his arms held high, Sophie talking to their mother. "Soph!", she motions to Patches.

"Oh sorry Mr Patches, did you want a cuddle?"

"Yes please!"

"You too Ted?"

"I'm good thanks."

Mr Patches turns in Sophie's arms, "Stilettos?"

"On second thoughts Sophie, yes please."

"Okay," she bends and picks him up, "did anyone order food in? I'm STARVING!"

Mia smiles, "No, we cooked earlier, it's in the kitchen."

"Cool! Did you have a song ready Mia?"

"Yes little mouse, I'll save it for next time."

"What was it?"

"A surprise."

"Was it an ABBA track?"

"You'll have to wait and see!"

"Only if it is and you don't have anyone singing with you yet I'd like to join you."

"Aw, thank you little mouse."


	26. Chapter 26

Sophie catches up with Max, "Did you have one Max?

"I do have one, and you'll like the opening verse."

"Why?"

"It has a mention of dolphins. And I could also dedicate it to Mr Patches now I know he's Ted's hero."

Sophie skips to keep up, "What's the first lines then?"

Max smiles, "I, I wish you could swim, like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim."

"Wow! Who's that by?"

"David Bowie. I've change the next lines to fit our family."

"To what?"

"It's supposed to start Though nothing, my version is He thought nothing, nothing will keep us together. We can beat them, for ever and ever. Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day."

Mr Patches turns to see Max properly, "That's neat. I like that. Shame my search said he died."

Max does a glum smile, "Yes, they lost a fab fab when he passed away."

Sophie looks sad, "School had a special assembly. My favourite is Space Oddity."

Max's smile changes, "You know it?"

"Yes, thanks to our physics teacher. He wheeled in a TV and played an astronaut's version recorded on ISS."

"Would you sing it with me the next time we have one of these song evenings?"

Sophie smiles and takes Max's hand, "I'd love to, thanks! So you'll do two songs?"

Laura had been listening, "We'd like that, wouldn't we everyone?"

Everyone that had been in earshot and not wrapped up in their own conversation gives a yes.

Patches smiles internally, Max was such a nice brother to Leo and the Elsters, a good friend to Mattie and the rest of her family.

~~~

Mr Patches sits between a few dishes on his charge chair, watches Alana fussing over the twins. "Do you like being a midwife?"

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't. These two are gorgeous."

"I would rather have had you as my midwife Alana, their delivery was a NIGHTMARE!"

"Problematic?"

"An understatement. Someone tried to steal them from us."

"In the delivery room?"

"From my womb."

"HELL'S BELLS! Oh. My. God!"

"Drugged me and did a botched C section. Locked them away in a hidden room. If it wasn't for the pets I may have never seen them again."

"Oh my God! I'll not call some of my deliveries difficult after hearing that. You're okay now?"

"Yes, Fred, Gesha and the gang came out and saved me, redid the C section stitches."

"Can I see?"

The two step outside the room for a moment then return.

"That's impressive work Fred, Gesha, fancy working for the NHS as consultants? That's the best C section scar I've seen, almost haven't seen. Practically invisible."

"They'd have to understand we're both on call with the DC Medical lorry, could be racing off to do emergency surgery at any moment."

"I'll ask around if it's okay with you both?"

Fred looks at Gesha and gets a nod, "Please do."

Mr Patches gets off his chair, turns it and sits back down, "Cindy, we've not met before, I'm Mr Patches, lovely to meet you. Why is today our first meeting?" he watches the shy synth look towards him then break eye contact, "I live with Danny's mother and father, help her make clothes and costumes."

"You do? Why didn't we see you on our adventures?"

"Maybe I was still in my bedroom?"

"What sorts of clothes do you make?"

"Anything. For example I made Leo's shirt."

Mr Patches gets up and navigates the many dishes, glasses and cutlery on the table, looks closer at Leo's shirt, "That's really nice work Cindy!"

"You think so?"

"Real top notch stuff. Could you make me something?"

He turns to see the lady smile, "Yes, what would you like?"

"A suit. With braces for the trousers on account of my HUMONGOUS belly."

It gets a laugh from most.

"Sure, what colour would you like?"

Danny chuckles, "How about sparkles for party nights?"

"Sure."

"And off white for daywear." suggests Sophie.

"How about some jeans and a little tshirt?"

"Thanks Mattie, an EDM one like yours would be nice."

Cindy smiles, "Quite a wardrobe you're building there. How about a few shirts like Leo's?"

"You could make one in my size?"

"Yes."

"AWESOME!"

Mattie smiles at Sophie, turns to Cindy, "Let me know how much it all costs, I'll cover it."

"Babe, we've still got all my offcuts in that bag at the back of the shop don't we?"

"I've not thrown them out, so they should be there."

Silas looks at Patches, "If Cindy measures you up and shares the info I can knock you up some short sleeve summer shirts. I've got some nice bright colours and patterns."

"Cool. Instead of buttons can you put tiny magnets on the inner bit, metal discs on the outer? Then I can magnetise my hooves to do them up and undo them."

"Can you? I didn't know you could do that?" Silas looks over to Danny, "Hands and feet?"

"All four hooves."

"Sweet. Give us a demo."

Mr Patches picks up a knife and gently starts tapping a glass, "That sounds nice." he taps a few more. "Can someone put that one third and this one fifth?" after they're rearranged he taps each in turn checking the pitch, "Can someone take a tiny sip from this one please? .. Thanks". He gently taps out a tune.

Toby does a shudder as if someone had walked over his grave, "That's weird. The tune on crystal glasses made me want to ask 'Are you conscious?' no idea why."

"I THINK I am. How do I tell for sure?"

"No idea, Leo?"

Leo smiles, "You've said a few times now that you feel things, happy, excited, concern. That's enough for me. Welcome to the crazy family little fella."

Mr Patches does a little sideways rock back and forth from his hips, "Shucks, thanks Leo. Thank you very much."

Mattie coughs and laughs, "Was I just hearing things?"

"I can't help falling in love but you won't find me crying in the chapel."

Laura gives Mattie a look, "Elvis Presley?"

"Bingo sweet cheeks, are you lonesome tonight?"

Mattie bursts into a fit of giggles, then has to excuse herself. "Sorry, oops moment."


	27. Chapter 27

Ted turns to his brother, "As you're going from The Emperors New Clothes to a wardrobe of sorts what other upgrades do you want? I got the feeling you had a couple in mind?"

"You did? How?"

"Your lack of movement at key times."

"Really? Was I that transparent?"

"As transparent as your Emperor's clothes. Zero servo sounds, not even a twitch."

"Hmm. I did have a couple of ideas."

Everyone looks at Mr Patches. And waits.

And waits.

"apt-get install telepathy. Nope, package not found. apt-get install receive-info-without-a-transmission? What a surprise! Package not found! apt-get install give-me-blooming-clue? Not found! apt-get install if-I-go-on-long-enough-maybe-my-brother-will-get-the-hint!"

"Ted."

"Yes Patches?"

"All you needed to say was What were they?"

"Or you could have just told everyone!"

"Keep your stuffing in! I was fishing."

"Fishing?"

"For your question!"

"Fishing?"

"Like humans do for compliments."

Ted pauses for a moment to search online. "I see. Metaphors. Don't bother doing an image search you'll get mostly rubbish cartoons back."

"But you understand the concept?"

"I think I do now."

Mattie tiptoes back into the room and sits down, Leo puts an arm around her shoulders, "Everything alright?"

"Fine, thanks. What have I missed?"

"Mr P was just about to tell us about some mods he'd like."

"Let's hear them then."

CCC

"Shrugables."

"Do what?"

"I'd like to have shoulders at bit like you fabs that I can shrug."

Danny nods, "Easy enough I reckon, one more servo to drive both. What else?"

"Seen Zoolander?"

Holly-Anne raises a hand slightly, "My family just streamed the old one, the new one is out."

"Well this is my Blue Steel. This my Ferrari. Le Tigre. And my favourite, Magnum."

Sophie rolls her eyes, "Don't be silly Mr Patches they all look the same."

"My point exactly! I want to be able to have some facial expression control. A smile control at minimum."

"That's not so easy, we might need to brainstorm that, maybe some synth tech George and Harun can tell us about might help."


	28. Chapter 28

Mr Patches and Ted are sat in the middle of Sophie's bed, killing time looking for play scripts.

Patches thinks out loud, "Ha! All the world's a stage by Catherine Darling."

"Why are you calling me darling?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You said All the world's a stage by Catherine. Darling."

"No I didn't. You added a pause between Catherine and Darling, not me. That's her name, Catherine Darling. Miss or Mrs Darling."

"Oh. Ok. I wondered if all this acting was getting you channeling Oscar Wilde."

"Who?"

"Do a search, just not now. He called a lot of people darling."

"I was doing searches, looking for another play. I found a painting of a white rabbit in a green dress on a stage with five carrots on the floor."

"Humans are weird."

"But they made us, so we shouldn't grumble too much."

There's a pause. "Grumble, rhymes with crumble. Nice word Patches. Leo sat at the table, because he was able, then had a grumble, no more apple crumble."

"Haha, you're a poet and didn't know it?"

"No, I knew it Patches."

"We could do spoken word things instead of a song the next meet up. They might like that?"

"Let's."

~~~

Sophie comes skipping into the room, "Mattie and I are taking the dogs for a walk around the park in a bit, want to come?"

"With the seat?"

"If you want?"

"Awesome!"

"You too Ted?"

"Can I just ride in your rucksack Sophie?"

"If you want."

Mr Patches had asked Danny to make him a seat he could be strapped into, strapped onto Trixie so he could have a ride as she ran around the park.

She flops onto the bed, "Did I ever tell you how you were partly responsible for everyone getting back together?"

Mr Patches realises her gaze is on him, "I was? How?"

"When we all fled the park I dropped you. Mia said she'd gone back to the gazebo, logic told her we wouldn't be there but her heart wished we were. And there YOU were, her link to our family. She held onto you for a long while. Think, if it hadn't been for you we might not have seen any of them again. They came and went a few times, but if you weren't there Mattie might not have seen Leo again, Leona and Matthew wouldn't exist."

"Really? That's not the account of events Niska tells?"

Sophie lowers her voice, "They all didn't come back at the same time. And not everyone knows Leo snuck back to see Mattie and Mum with Mia. Toby and Dad were out. It's a secret." she taps the side of her nose and winks. "Mum's the word."

Ted turns to Sophie, "So as a story in seven words, Girl drops toy, ripples seed new humans?"

Sophie giggles, "Chaos theory. We did that in school."

"Which lesson?"

"Physics. The teacher hadn't planned to do it that day, but got to the lesson five minutes late, Katie noticed his shirt wasn't buttoned up properly, they were all done up one hole out."

"Did he say what happened?"

"He was ironing his shirt, smelt his toast burning, rushed into the kitchen to open the door before the smoke alarm went off, came back to the shirt to find he'd left the iron on it. He raced upstairs to get a new shirt, tripped on the last step and bashed his knee. He had to hobble for the bus, missed his usual one."

"So he got to school late because he sliced the bread too thick for the toaster?"

"Yes Patches, how did you know?"

"That's what makes the toaster burn things isn't it?"

"I think so."

"TEENY! ARE YOU READY?"

"COMING!"

She grabs the rucksack and chair from her cupboard, "Let's go!"

On the way out they corner Hissy by the front door.

"Meow?"

Ted shakes his head, "Don't tell me you talk cat too now?"

"No, still practicing, I don't get any answer yet."

The cat races upstairs to find the other two.


	29. Chapter 29

Mattie unclips the leads and lets the dogs have a run.

"Mr Patches must have one of those software image stabilisation routines, I'd get such a headache if my head was thrown around like that."

"Me too Teeny, me too."

The sisters walk along the path that takes them around the park perimeter, talk about school, life in general.

Mattie swings one of the leads, "What do you think about doing an ABBA medley with Mia and Nis? Mama Mia style?"

"Like at the end of the film? When they get all dressed up in costumes?"

"Yeah. That's it."

"What it *everyone* did it, we all took turns with doing ABBA tracks?"

"Hmm. The guys singing the tracks could be interesting."

"They did in the film."

"True. Oh crap!"

Sophie glances up at her sister, "Forgot the poo bags?"

"No, that frigging stupid racist WAP member and his pitbull cross are at the other side."

Onboard USS Trixie Captain Patches held onto his chair as best he could, "We need more power! Warp factor 10 now Scottie! Sulu, photon torpedoes on my command.." Mattie sticks her fingers in her mouth and whistles. Trixie and Scruff bank and turn towards the sisters. "Eh? USS Scruff you're getting too close, too close, we're on a collision course!" Scruff comes within inches and matches Trixies pace. Moments later the angry half pitbull racing across the park comes into view, foaming at the mouth. "Oh crap. Sorry Trixie, Scruff, this is going to hurt."

Sophie and Mattie watch as the three dogs converge. Sophie winces, expecting the worst when suddenly they stop running as if someone had thrown a switch. Their legs go limp and trail behind them as their bodies drop into a slide on the damp grass.

"What the frig?"

"Patches!"

The sisters run as fast as they can to their pets. Sophie gets there first, "Patches? Are you okay?"

"Yes Sophie, but can you undo the safety catch on the harness?"

Sophie does so. "What happened?"

"Is still happening. Get *both* your leads. Put them on that mad dog and use them to keep it in the middle between you where it can't do any harm. Now Sophie!"

She does as asked, hands one lead back to Mattie. "Now what?"

"I stop jamming their heads." the dogs shake as if they'd just been bathed, the pitbull cross starts going a bit nuts, almost pulling Sophie over.

Mattie shouts at the man running towards them. "Get your frigging dog under control mister!"

He's unfit, his massive beer belly slowing him down, "Fuck off! Leave my dog alone!"

"When you've got it on your lead, sure, not before."

He's getting closer, "Get your leads off my dog!"

"Why don't you frigging listen? Get your lead on, then we'll take ours off!"

"Fucking do as I say!"

"Fuck you! I'm calling the police."

"Yeah, right. As if they'd bother."

Mattie gets her phone out, sees a message.

From: Mr Patches. She swipes and reads. 'If you can't get Police response I'll jam again. Not speaking, don't trust this man.'

Mattie smiles at the phone, she had her own cross-breed here, half bear half giraffe and all smart. She dials, but not 999 and not via the phone.

"Hi, it's Mattie, do you have friends in the dog unit? Sophie and I have a mad pitbull cross held with a couple of leads, it's all teeth and anger wanting to attack Trixie and Scruff. Yes. Yes he is. Okay. Brilliant. One sec." she puts the phone on speaker. "Okay, if the dog shuts up the owner should be able to hear you." the dog doesn't, Mattie sets the volume to maximum.

"Sir? Can you hear me?"

"Yes?"

"This is DC Johnson of the Metropolitan Police Armed Tactical Response Unit. If your dog is a danger to the public I'm quite happy to call my colleagues in the dog unit. Or I could save them the bother and come out and shoot it myself. I'd rather you got your dog under control. Mattie, does Sophie have her phone with her?"

Sophie nods.

"Yes, why?"

"Take a photograph of the owner and send it to me, now please. Sir I'm creating a warrant for your arrest. You have twenty four hours to present yourself and your animal to a police station for assessment. If your dog can be brought under control and given training you'll be fine. If not it will be terminated."

"Mr Johnson?"

"Hello Sophie."

"He keeps hiding his face."

"Okay, we're on our way." the sound of two-tone sirens can be heard over the phone. "Can you still hear me okay?"

"Just."

"We've got your location, should be there in just over fifteen. Can you hold that long?"

"Me yes, I think Teeny will be worn out before then."

"Okay, we'll ask for help."

The mad dogs owner advances, Mattie snarls, "Stay back!"

"Fuck you!"

"Scruff! Help! Show us your teeth!"

Scruff thinks he's about to earn a biscuit and plays, showing his lovely teeth.

When Mattie had rescued the animals from the abandoned vets he'd had many missing, the rest rotten thanks to a bad diet. For a change Mattie and Sophie hadn't minded being on TV. Mr Patches was riding in Sophie's coat pocket, keeping out of trouble and listening. Professor Noel Fitzpatrick had sighed, said he didn't do dental implants like humans would get. Then Mattie had said cost really wasn't an issue, he could get creative. Go as crazy as he wanted. He'd heard Mattie ask if she could have a chat off camera. She'd surprised Noel by saying she wanted to set up a charity fund to help owners that loved their pets but didn't have the insurance to cover the costs. Noel had been puzzled and asked why. She'd asked the film crew to leave the room and told him everything. Noel had laughed, said 'So that was you?!' and explained how another unscrupulous vet without the years of training and love for animals had been trying to steal away work. He'd had to see some of the animals and correct mistakes. Unfortunately two dogs had to be put down, such a mess had been made their was no fixing it. It had made Sophie cry. Noel had got on his knees and given her a hug, said that with Mattie's help it wouldn't happen again, there'd be no reason for owners to seek out a cheaper option.

Scruff's teeth sparkled, the chromed titanium reflecting the daylight.

"Fucking hell! Get that thing away from me!"

Sophie giggles, "Good boy Scruff, show the man your nice sharp teeth."

"Call him off!"

"Frigging hell, tell your dog first!"

"Psycho SIT!"

The dog being trained to respond to fighting commands rather than be polite totally ignores his owner.

"Frigging awesome. Angry AND dumb."

"Mattie, Sophie, there should be a couple of local PCSO on mountain bikes entering the park any moment. They'll help restrain the dog until we get there."

"Great, thanks."

Mr Patches had been whispering to Trixie, got her to walk behind the man so he could record the scene. He'd be like one of those GoPro camera seen on the top of cyclists helmets. 'Just a soft toy camera' if anyone asked.

"What's your other dog up to?"

"Watching, she's harmless."

"Tell her to get where I can see her."

"No. I said she's harmless."

"My dog might not sit, but I could give it another order."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yeah bitch."

Mattie winds the lead around her arm a bit more, switches the app back to Mr Patches message, types with her free hand.

Mr Patches gets it, whispers, "Abandon ship!" he kicks the clasp holding things together and drops to the grass. Trixie shakes and gets free.

"Trixie, Scruff, go find a stick!" The dogs depart to play one of their favourite games.

The man turns, "What happened to the toy on the smaller dog?"

"Must have fallen off."

Moments later Psyco whimpers and drops to the ground, tries to cover its ears with its paws.

The two PCSO enter the park from the far corner and pedal fast to cross the grass. They jump from their bikes and take the leads from the sisters. One uses his radio, "Control, PCSO718 here, can you get a message to the ATRU, we're here, they can come off blues and twos."

"Message received 718, will do."

Seconds later the dog returns to it's former angry aggressive state, starts pulling on the leads.

"What the fuck?" the man turns, sees Patches in the grass, starts walking towards him.

"He's mine, leave him alone!"

Sophie races towards him, the man gets to Patches first. "What the fuck is this?"

Mattie gets another message. "GoPro in an old soft toy. Give him to my sister!"

"GoPro? You've been recording this?"

"Every park visit, yes."

The PCSO closest to Mattie shouts, "Hand it to the girl unless you want to make matters worse for yourself!"

He shakes Patches, turns him over, "Where's the off switch?"

"None of your business!"

He turns and throws it at Sophie. Mr Patches stays as inert as possible, listening to what's going on.

There's a whoop-whoop of the two tones as an unmarked BMW pulls up into the parks small carpark.

"Thank frig! Teeny, go say Hi to DC Johnson and his partner."

"Why Mattie?"

"I'd like you a safer distance from this mad dog, the leads look like they want to snap."

"Oh, okay Mattie." she rushes off to meet them, a half run half shuffle.

Mr Patches moves an arm, Sophie turns him to look forward.

"Do you think Mattie will be safe?"

"I do hope so Sophie. What a nasty dog. Such a shame he wasn't given a better owner."

"Yes. What a nasty man."

"I hope Psycho is given a new owner."

"Me too."

She meets the officers in the middle.

"Hello Sophie, talking to your toy?"

"His name is Mr Patches."

He smiles, "Hello Mr Patches, I'm DC Johnson."

"Hello Sir, pleased to meet you."

The man looks stunned, "Did your toy just talk?"

Sophie puts a finger to her lips, "We don't use the T word."

"Oh, sorry. Is he, you know?"

"We think so."

"Wow. We could here the dog go from barking to quiet to barking again. What happened?"

"That was me. A special blend of ultrasonics. It drives them crazy, stops them thinking about anything else."

He crouches down, "Sophie, your friend Danny, did he do this?"

Mr Patches answers, "He's my maker, but I came up with the ultrasound mix. It's not the first time I've come close to that dog."

"That's .. amazing. I think the dog unit would pay you handsomely to get that technology. To use against others obviously not their own."

"Wow! My first paying job Sophie!"


	30. Chapter 30

The lady in the building society smiled at Sophie when she sat him on the counter and asked to open a child's savers account in his name. "He's cute, what's his name?"

"Mr Patches."

"How old is he?"

"Not one yet."

"We don't normally do accounts in toy names."

"He's not a .." she decides not to share a bit of information.

"What's his last name?"

"He doesn't have one."

Mattie leans forward, "Hawkins."

The woman looks at Sophie, then Mattie, squints, "Should I know you?"

"Probably not."

"One moment." she spent ten minutes conferring with colleagues, they stand at a distance, keep glancing over. One gets their smart phone out and shows something to the others. The woman returns and sits back down, slides paperwork through for them to sign. "Doctor Elster-Hawkins, so sorry to have kept you and Sophie waiting. The manager is happy to bend the rules for you."

"Thanks."

"I don't believe you have an account with us yet. Would you like to open one today?"

Mr Patches understood what was going on. They were fishing, his account was the bait.

"Go on then, best not to have all my eggs in one basket."

"Can I have one too please?"

"Yes, we're opening one in the name of Mr Patches."

"No, I mean one in my name not his."

"You want to keep some of your money separate?"

Mattie gives Sophie a gentle tap on the foot, "Yes please, one is for holiday savings, one for a new bike."

"I see, let me get you another form then."

Patches was a little annoyed he couldn't sign the passbook himself, after all he could hold a pen if it had a metal outside. But blowing his soft toy cover would get too many people asking questions. The extended family was enough.

"What did you want to open the account with? The minimum is one pound."

Mattie pulls an envelope from her jacket, "This for Mr Patches," and a bundle of notes from her jeans, "And this for Soph."

The woman looks at the thick cylinder of what looked like twenty pound notes. "Okay.. I'll have to count those, all curled up they'll jam the counting machine."

The lady is taking ages, the notes not wanting to stay flat.

"Couldn't you just weigh them?"

She stops and looks up, stares at Patches. "Did he just talk to me?"

Oh nuts thought Patches. He quickly sends Sophie a message.

She gets her phone out and reads, looks up at the woman, "Our friend Danny made him. DC Limited. We do toys for a number of businesses. You can send it a message over WiFi and it speaks it. Give me a phrase."

"Um. I've lost count and will have to start again."

Sophie quickly keys it in and taps.

"I've lost count and will have to start again."

"What a clever little giraffe!"

Sophie grins, "Thanks, he is."

She looks at Mattie, "And what are you opening yours with?"

"Whatever the minimum is on a standard account. I'll wire more once open."

The woman opens the envelope and raises her eyebrows. "A cheque from the Metropolitan Police in Mr Patches name?"

"Yeah, Sophie and I helped with something for them, they said Sophie could have the reward. We have a mutual friend, he's a bit of a joker."

"Highly irregular, but as the account is in his name fine. He's not full AI is he?"

Mattie laughs, bends the truth, "Frigging hell no, if I managed to compress AI code down to something small enough to fit in him I'd be a billionaire by now! Maybe in ten years time, but not with today's hardware. Nice idea though, possibly something to aim for. Thanks."

The lady laughs, "Remember me when you get there. I could do with the pension boost by then."

As they leave the building society Mattie laughs, "Result! Three accounts and I'm almost there."

"Where?"

"I heard a quote on the radio the other day, 'I want to work to the point I don't have to introduce myself.' almost there, more people are recognising me. And hopefully the more that happens the more the charities I support will get help."

Mr Patches takes a look out of Sophie's bag and decides it's not safe to talk out loud, sends a message. The sisters both reach for their phones. 'Helping more animals would be good. Do you think Noel has ever worked on a fab giraffe?'

Mattie chuckles, "Have you seen the size of his operating tables, can you picture a fully grown giraffe trying to rest on one? Let's get back home, I need to feed the twins."


	31. Chapter 31

"The world's our stage." Patches turns theatrically in his flamboyant costume. The one he himself had been able to pay Cindy for. "Or at least we've got the one at Sentinel House. What do you think Ted?"

"Very nice. And I love the one you got me."

"Thank you brother. Do you have Comedy of Errors memorised?"

"I most certainly do fine fellow, shall we partake of a dress rehearsal?"

"Yes Ted, let us do so."

Half way through they're interrupted by Sophie, "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you, I need to change, Mattie and I are off to see Karen and Pete."

"They're back in the UK?"

"Yes, got their old office back too."

"Can we come?"

"If you get out of those costumes and ride in my rucksack."

~~~

Sophie spins around in a chair, looks at the simple office, "You've got a nice tan Pete, was it really really hot?"

"Yup, roasting hot." he pushes up his glasses. "The worst thing was stepping out of air conditioned rooms."

"Why?"

"Condensation."

She gives him a frown and slight head tilt.

"On my glasses. I'd open the door to step outside and they'd fog up. I couldn't see a blooming thing."

"Oh. You needed two pairs and two small thermos flasks."

Pete mimics her frown and head tilt, "When did you come up with that idea?"

"Just now. You detect. My family invent."

"Keep each pair in the right environment. Not bad. Flasks are a bit too big for everyday use but I'll give it a go next time we're out there to see if it works. I'll let you know how it goes."

She smiles and nods.

Mr Patches sits on Karen's desk, practicing some standup comedy routines he'd thought of doing with Max.

"Mr Patches I'm on the phone!"

"But you look *lovely* when you smile, you sound nicer too."

Karen palm covers the handset, "People won't take me seriously if I'm all girly giggles! Yes. The two dollies from the beauty salon, yes, if you could please."

"Listen gorgeous, until Mattie returns with the chips.."

"If I'm not in the office leave it on my desk please or with DS Drummond." She puts down the phone. "You really think I'm gorgeous?"

"Why do you doubt me?"

"You're ju.. You're a giraffe, shouldn't you be fancying other giraffes or something?"

"And what if that something is a gorgeous lady called Karen Voss?"

Karen wraps a bit of hair around a finger, "Stop it patches, you'll make me blush."

"Now that I'd like to see!"

She gets really close and whispers, "Don't blow my cover you cheeky little monster!"

"As if. You are gorgeous though, as I'm sure Pete will confirm."

The door opens, "Right, extra salt and vinegar for you Pete, a small portion for you Teeny, an super vinegar for you Karen."

Mr Patches leans forward, motions with his hoof, "What were those bags really like?"

Karen leans forward and whispers, "Ever seen Mattie, Laura or Mia empty the food recycling bin?"

"Leo empties it too. Yuck, yes."

"Exactly."


	32. Chapter 32

Patches looked at Sophie, wished he could cry too. He'd not seen a human cry anywhere near as much. Or for days on end. He didn't have a heart like their's, or a pump like the synths, but what he did have felt broken. The news that Mattie, Leo, Danny and Emily were at DC House but being kept in a medically induced coma had come as a shock for the whole family. They'd had a call from Mattie to say the flight home was in serious trouble. On hearing the news report that it had crashed before reaching the runway a number of calls had been made, strings pulled, favours asked. The beamer boys were apparently already on route, having been relayed a message via the commissioner.

Fred had surprised Patches the most. He had always been the most calm when in a fighting mood, calm and systematic. Niska was the ninja but she let her anger flood out when fighting, Max showed his emotions regardless. That day, Decision Day as he'd named it, Fred had looked like a broken man. Patches had been sat out of sight playing hide and seek when Fred, George and Gesha had called Laura and Joe into the kitchen and asked them to sit down. He'd explained that he could work miracles when he had a full body to work with. Thankfully their brains were intact, but the rest.. He just didn't have enough to work with. And an exosynth suit like Jimmy's wasn't an option.

Patches had crept forward to watch, thought Laura had come close to a total mental breakdown. She'd been crying and wailing uncontrollably for ages, her body shaking in ways he'd not seen in any human before. Joe had difficulty comforting his wife, his own crying quite major. When Toby had brought Sophie home and they'd seen their parents in such a state they too had started crying. Fred had suddenly snapped out of his own grief, held Laura by the shoulders and shouted at her to snap her mind back into the room. There was only one option left. Fred didn't use any more words, just turned and looked at George. Laura had wiped her eyes with her cardigan sleeve, looked at George, then Joe, said 'Do it.'

That had been five weeks ago. George had been voted temporary head of DCL.

Still Sophie cried.

Patches sat on his charge chair, "We need to do something, take our minds off it?"

"My only sister is practically dead and you want to take my mind off it? GO AWAY!"

Patches hadn't expected the outburst. He was hit by his own wave of grief. The woman that had given him his own little tree of life was gone, maybe forever. And now his best friend, the one that had asked for him to be created, was telling him to go away. He'd do as asked.

The power down sound plays.


	33. Chapter 33

Mr Patches is aware of his power up sound playing, Sophie is stood in front of him with a boy he'd not seen before. It was undeniably Sophie, but she looked older.

"Jason, this is Mr Patches. He was my best friend when I was eleven."

"Was? I'm not now?"

"One of, still, I guess."

"You guess? Did you need me for something?"

"I wanted to show Jason how smart you are."

"Very. For my size. How's Mattie?"

"Body? Still slow progress. I'll let you know of other news later."

"How long has it been? My clock is at epoch."

"I'm thirteen now, fourteen in five months."

"You've let me sit here for TWO YEARS! Ted told me some stories, what is it with this family and two years!"

"I hadn't felt like playing for a long long while, almost didn't have birthday parties until Max and Mia did something special."

"You met Jason at a party?"

"Oh no, I've known Jason for a while, some of my girl friends at school managed to get me playing a game in the playground. I bumped into Jason, we knocked each other out."

"Ouch. Are you both okay?"

Jason smiles at Sophie, "Now, yes, but that was a long time ago. We both spent the night in hospital with concussion."

"Mum was beside herself."

Patches smiles, "I bet she was, losing one daughter is bad enough, the thought of losing another must have been painful."

He watches Jason get close and look into his eyes.

"It's true isn't it? You really do feel?"

"It is."

"Wow. I can see why you kept him a secret Soph, I would. And I will."

"Thanks. Sorry Mr Patches, I won't let you stay powered down like that again."

"How's Ted?"

"Very quiet. He misses you. He wanted to power you up and play, said he didn't as it was just him being selfish. So he's been talking to BB8 and Wall-e instead. Although between the three of us he says the other two aren't as smart as his little brother."

"When do you think Mattie will be back?"

"She sort of is, but Harun and George are being perfectionists, say things aren't working the way they want them yet. Come play with Matthew and Leona, they're growing up very fast."

Jason looks at Sophie, "Another secret I promise to keep."

The months turn into years, Sophie is no longer a girl but a young woman, Jason is seen quite often with her. Patches finds all the memories of her looking into his eyes and makes an animation of her growing up. He sends it to the family channel on the app, gets a few likes in minutes, a "Thank you." from Laura and Mattie.

From Mattie? He jumps off the chair and dives for the uplighter, uses it like a fireman's pole. He races to the top of the stairs, checks to see the cushion is still by the wall at the bottom and launches into a dive tuck and roll. As soon as he's stopped rolling from the bounce off the cushion he gets himself up and runs for the living room, "Mattie!?"

"Yes?"

He looks into the eyes of the only person in the room, Mia's. Was he still in his chair upstairs and dreaming? He goes to ask a question but before he can get the words out the results of a fact search come back. 

'She sort of is.' and 'almost didn't have birthday parties until Max and Mia did something special.' Sophie hadn't given him the extra bit of information she said she would, had probably forgotten.

"Hi Mattie? Have you seen Sophie?"

"I got a call from her, she's bumped into Jason in town, not literally for a change."

"Cool, he's a nice young man, I like him."

"Glad to hear it Patches. It would be frigging awful if the family didn't like him."

"So true. How are you Mattie?"

"Me? I'm good, and you?"

"Wonderful, absolutely wonderfully brilliant thanks." It was strange hearing Mattie speak but with Mia's voice and body. But it was definitely Mattie doing the talking. Mia even moved like Mattie. It was quite weird to watch. She sits down and closes her eyes. A moment later she opens them again, smiles, "Hello Mr Patches, I hope that didn't startle you." she pulls out a hair band and pulls her hair into a high ponytail. "Mattie's having a nap for a few minutes. Everything okay?"

"It is now. I'm guessing the same is being done for Leo?"

"It is."

"Cool. Not Danny and Emily?"

"They don't have younger brothers or sisters, no kids of their own. Their parents said not to go to the trouble, to concentrate on the other things."

"Why haven't I seen you as Mattie before?"

"I don't do it all the time, enough to give her a time line. And at special events I'm probably eighty to ninety percent her. I ride along as I did with Anita. And we didn't think we should risk it with you. But Sophie came up with an idea."

"She did?"

"If you see me with my hair up like this in future I'm me. If it's down it's Mattie."

Patches nods, it all made a bizarre kind of sense. "The NHS synths, are they no longer calling at the house?"

"No, you needn't worry about that. Just keep an eye on Sophie for us."

"That might be difficult, I think she's grown out of us."

"No, she just needs a hand learning to enjoy herself again. She took the four's accident very badly. It's made her very tough, but I'm sure with time you and the gang can slowly soften her up."

"Is that my new mission? To get her to remember the child she once was?"

"I'm sure she's not forgotten, just doesn't want to let her inner child come out and play. Mattie's waking, talk soon Patches."

Mia does a stretch and yawn, something Patches had never seen a synth do before. "Sorry, must have nodded off!"

"No problem. I'm going to find Ted, BB8 and Wall-e, plan something fun for Sophie and Jason."

"That's nice of you. Have you seen Leo?"

Patches smiles inside. Mattie wouldn't see Max and Leo together. How would she know which was which? There was something clever going on. "No, he can't be far. If I see him I'll tell him you're asking for him."

"Thanks."

He wandered off to have a chat with Mathew and Leona.


	34. Chapter 34

Years passed, the house got back to as normal as it could. The rest of the family getting used to the signs Mia and Fred did to say who was at the surface. Visitors asking for Mattie or Leo were always told they'd stepped out.

Mattie yawns, "I should see a doctor, I keep falling asleep at the weirdest moments."

Laura places a hand on Mia's, "Don't worry Matts, I was like that after I had you, it's nothing to worry about. I'll ask Fred to check in on you just to be sure."

"Thanks Mum."

Sophie enters the kitchen, "What do you think Mum?"

Mia, Joe and Laura look up.

Laura wipes a happy tear, "You look beautiful Potato!"

"Gorgeous Teeny!"

"Stunning Soph, totally stunning."

"Thanks. The car should be here any minute, all ready?"

"Yes. You'll be unfashionably early Teeny."

"Our family's been breaking rules or making new ones for years, why change?"

"Ha, too true Soph. All of you got a good supply of hankies? I've got a dozen but somehow think that won't be enough."

Laura pats Joe's hand, "I've a few pocket packs stuffed into my clutch."

"Shame Patches and the gang went off on another adventure, I'm sure they would want to see your wed.."

There's a loud crash, Wall-e chasing BB8 into the kitchen. "Sorry we're late Sophie! The drive back from seeing Cindy was difficult."

"Beep boop warp warp warp."

Laura has her hand clamped hard over her mouth suppressing laughter, Joe has his mouth wide open not believing the sight in front of his eyes.

Wall-e opens his crusher door to reveal his passengers.

"Fecking good job we don't get headaches Patches! What a bumpy ride!"

Mr Patches climbs out, "Do you like our suits Sophie? I think Cindy did a great job."

"Awesome work! You have a bit of a soft spot for her don't you Patches?"

"I might do. She is lovely, coming out of her shell a bit more every time we meet."


	35. Chapter 35

Max smiles at the front row of the congregation, Mr Patches, Ted, BB8 and Wall-e sat in front of the family. They were family, even if they looked very different. He sees Sophie arrive and nods to Fred to change tune.

~~~

More years pass. Jason had moved in with the Hawkins, Sophie not wanting to break the close bond with her parents. Between the two houses they had more than enough rooms. Toby had Holly-Anne practically living there too, had been paying Laura and Joe double house keeping. She still had a room at her parents, but would spend most nights here. Laura had told Toby several times he didn't need to pay anything, he'd insisted.

Patches love for Cindy was growing, he'd watched her slowly grow more confident. She was venturing out of the house herself, was selling some of her designs via Sandra. That made him very happy. Sophie and Jason would play games with him, not the games she'd played as a girl, but things the adults enjoyed. Monopoly was a favourite, she'd lost most of the hard exterior she'd built up. Lost a good number of games too but still enjoyed playing.

"Your turn Cindy" Sophie says with a smile, "And I need my money for Passing Go Patches."

Patches reaches into the tray and grabs the paper-clipped note. "Here you go."

Over the weeks that follow Patches learns that his brother has a fondness for Cindy too. There was something quite sweet about the young woman. She was still a little shy, but really good company. Time for another adventure with his brother. He'd been a stunt-giraffe, poet, thespian, racing driver in the modified RC electric car Toby had got him, even learnt how to do some coding with Sophie. Riding on top of Niska's bike had been fun, although all the dead flies he'd been covered in wasn't so great. A wasp hitting him at two hundred miles an hour had cracked his arm, Fred had done a good repair, his first with carbon fibre not bone. He needed to do something way different. What next? Time to get some ideas...

~~~

"Mum, have you seen Ted or Patches? I've had Toby and Si check the application logs on the server, they were talking a LOT to George, Harun, Mia, Niska, Odi, Fred, Gesha, Max, Silas, Sandra and Cindy. But they *all* encrypted the conversation and *nobody* will tell me what's going on!"

"I haven't, calm down, I'm sure it's just one of their silly trips. They don't go far. Have you checked the pod?"

"Yeah, it's empty."

"Under the beds?"

"And in all the cupboards."

~~~

A week later Sophie is grilling BB8 and Wall-e, "It's been a fortnight, are you SURE you don't know where their latest adventure has taken them?"

"Boop."

"Sorry, no idea."

"I'd ask Mia or Max but they're out again." Sophie does a Meh shrug and looks at Holly-Anne who'd turned and said "That was a car pulling up VERY noisily in petrol mode?"

Toby calls from upstairs, "MATTIE AND LEO ARE HERE! DAN AND EMILY TOO!" they can hear him race down the stairs, throw the door open wide with a crash.

The family all race to the drive, see DC1, 2 and Georges car packed with people.

Mattie rushes to her siblings, "Teeny!Toby! It's so good to see you!" they hug like they'd not seen each other in years, which in one way was true. "Properly see you that is, not through someone else's eyes." she raises an arm and pulls Mia into a group hug.

"You look more badass than ever Mattie."

"Thanks Teeny and you Mia, you bring a whole new meaning to the phrase life saver."

The three are joined by Leo and Max, "Afternoon ladies, how are you all?"

"Great thanks Leo, how are you?"

"Still getting used to the new body. It feels so different but also exactly the same. I can't find the words to describe it yet. You'll have to give me time."

"George, Harun and the others did a great job, you both look gorgeous!"

"Awe, thanks Teeny!"

Mattie gets a tap on the shoulder and turns, "Mum! Dad!"

The group hug splits up, they mingle with the others, welcome Danny and Emily back.

Sophie looks at the two handsome twin men getting out of the back of George's car, who were they? They weren't as good looking as her husband, but weren't far off. She knew George had taken on extra help at DCL to cope with the four being out of action, "Hi, I'm Sophie."

"Hello I'm.."

Mattie knocks her a little sideways, gives her a massive hug, almost overloaded with excitement, "Teeny you looked *so* beautiful in your wedding dress!"

"Thanks, well positioned support. You kept your pregnancy boobs then?"

"Eh?"

"They're a bit bigger than before you had the twins."

"Really?" Mattie turns to see Harun.

Leona steps in, "Sorry, that was my call Mum, I thought you'd like them. When we tried to get your residual image we were getting you in your honeymoon shape and post pregnancy shape. There's no such thing as back ache with a synth body."

"Oh, okay. Leo's not said a word about them so I guess he's happy." she feels an arm wrap around her shoulder.

"I'm happy either way."

"Teeny tell me all about Jason."

They all enter the house, Laura has them come into the conservatory.

Mia had made scones the day before, a huge batch.

Sophie frowns, "How did you know to make so many?"

"Mr Patches said he felt it, somehow, today would be an absolutely wonderfully brilliant day and that things should be ready."

"When was that?"

"Four days ago."

"I've not seen him or Ted for.." Sophie notices the strangers had joined her. With them up close and one running some fingers through his hair she notices their designer haircuts. Both a light brown verging on blonde, each had a shaved section on the left. One man had it longish, the other had a pattern shaved into it. An animal print. She wobbled, feeling a little faint.

She's quickly caught by the closest, "We were guests at your wedding, don't you remember? Maybe you could reintroduce us to Cindy, is she here?"

She goes to shake the hand being offered, a frown and confused look on her face.

"My name's Edward."

The other twin lets go of her after he knows she can stand okay and rolls his shoulders, grins a smile Max would be proud of, "Lovely to see you again, I'm Patch."


End file.
